I have died many times in two years. I die a little each day. I gather new information that cancels out something I learned the day prior. I heal at an accelerated rate because I refuse to feel stuck. I have learned to let go where I need to let go.

Letting go sometimes feels like abandonment, depending on your trauma. I have felt guilt plenty of times for letting go.

Letting go is the healthiest thing you could do for yourself or someone else.

Working through my abandonment issues and examing the people that I felt left me, I noticed a pattern of not having peace and being unhealthy within themselves.

When I step back from people, it’s because I don’t have peace, and I’m unhealthy around people.

What we have to start realizing is that as much as we blame ourselves for absence, it’s never us, unless you’re the unhealthy person and someone decided to love themselves more.

As I write this, I’m noticing LOVE through the absence. I see the LOVE someone has, for you won’t allow their demons to destroy you. You LOVE someone enough not to let your monsters destroy them. The LOVE for self to walk away from unhealthy is enough to keep you going.

Ha! Look at all of that LOVE that we’re missing because of all we see its absence.

ABSENCE IS LOVE!

I keep saying I’ll step into my power, and I’ll expose my soul when I go live. I’m already exposed. I live in my truth every day. I walk in my light. I choose to lead with my soul. I inspire just by being me and speaking with love. That is powerful in itself being an inspiration bc I choose to be myself. Who knew? Lol

The website is just the icing on the cake. There is no when something happens. There is only NOW. I’m laying down still being powerful bc I understand my power.

The delivered message that moves your spirit is the one that you need to hold onto.

The one that breaks you down because it came Just in time
Just in time
Devine time.

It’s usually the message that allows you to know that you’re not alone, that you are loved, the one that tells you that you are beyond supported by Angels. It’s a green light on your dreams.

I felt alone and unsure today and as soon as i questioned it my sister called with excitement because she had finally seen my YouTube channel and I showed her my domain name for my website.

Without her even knowing I was struggling she just delivered the message I needed. Let me tell you the “irony” of the YouTube channel and her just now seeing it. I sent it to her Sept 18, 2020 she told me she never received it, something in me sent it to her this morning. The fact that she seen it today when I was struggling let’s me know she seen it Just in time
Just in time
Devine time.

I keep repeating that because yesterday Peyton (daughter) randomly said just in time and i asked her why? She said, i don’t know it just came to me, but it’s the name of your business. I said, yes Peyton I’m aware I’m just trying to figure out why you said it.

So, I ended up repeating it and said,
Just in time,
Just in time,
Devine time.

She was telling me that everything was happening Just in time.

That’s a big green light on my dreams.

I also have to shout out my brother from another because he forever let’s me know that he sees me and supports me even when I’m with the BS sometimes lol.

We speak the same soul language, but yet we’ve learned differently.

People have become so godless and have lost so much faith bc of the suffering that they’ve endured. Not realizing that the suffering was for a greater purpose.

Isn’t that a crazy statement? Our suffering was for a greater purpose. Our lessons are woven within these problems, but with each problem there is always a solution.

She told me, she had suffered, but she already knew that God was showing her what she was capable of.

I told her, I have suffered and found my strength in myself until I found the God in me, and knew there was soo much more.

The foundation of any God in any religion is LOVE, the foundation of the universe is LOVE, the foundation of everything is LOVE. As it is the highest vibration.

Go and search LOVE out in the darkest places of the earth i promise you it’s there. At the foundation of yourself despite what you’ve been through there is LOVE. Despite what someone may have done or what you lost there is LOVE.

In her own suffering she knew that LOVE was what kept her going.

In my own suffering I knew finding LOVE for myself was what kept me going.

Find LOVE and BE LOVE.

When i first started this blog I was petrified, but I knew I needed to for myself. I knew that I owed it to myself to allow my voice to be heard someway.

I was afraid of judgment from strangers, isn’t that crazy? Afraid of what someone i dont know might think of me.

The more time went on i got comfortable sharing my ideas and thoughts and people from all over started following me (btw I thank you for seeing me). I started to think hmm maybe you do have something of value here.

As that seed continued to grow i realized there was a need for expansion bc there were ppl who wouldn’t sit down and read. I was thrown out of my comfort zone and in front of the camera which surprisingly is not as bad as I thought. I mean it still makes me nervous bc I’m literally putting my truth out there for the world to see. But it’s liberating and I would love for you guys to also join me there and check out my YouTube channel. Like and Subscribe. If you like me here you most definitely will like the person behind the words.

Thank you for your continuous support.

Watch “The Soul of a Woman” on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLfRn27CdvDCPyUd5jXspVXZjzeWhLlyi

In your death you took the lightest part of my soul and left me in complete darkness.

You made me search for everything that was good inside of myself and brought it to the forefront.

I’m laughing because I always thought you took the best part of me, but what you took was the broken part of me.

You took the mask that I had created for myself, the one that gave false light. You ripped me of everything that I knew.

I’m laughing because I always thought you took the best part of me.

Damn guy, how in the hell did you manage to do this?

Your death continues to bring me new life. This is the first year that I could say I’m not going to crumble. I can honestly say that this is the happiest I have ever been.

I am amazed by you each day. Each day I get to keep you alive.

I’m laughing because me and Jeff were speaking about your music and I said, oh he did that song before, right?

He said, umm lmao I said, pause you know what i meant. We really had to laugh though because I feel you so deep in my heart that I know you never left.

I will continue to thank you for my new life, i will continue to keep you alive and I will continue to thank you for leaving me with the best people imaginable.

I’m laughing bc i just heard you say nigga we made it! Lmao

2 years ago I was told I should be a teacher. I said, yea sounds good, but no.

Throughout the year I kept hearing the same thing. I said, listen, no lol. Once I started working on my book and realizing that I wanted to write for the rest of my life something started to shift.

I told her that i didn’t see myself in front of a classroom teaching academics because there isn’t anything that I care enough about to teach someone else.

I said, I see myself on a stage speaking my truth and helping others conquer their own darkness. I said, that’s what I’m passionate about, I’m passionate about people.

A few months ago my mom told me her mom and aunts were all teachers and allll of my closest friends are teachers.

I asked God what my calling was and I was told it was to be a teacher. Which I don’t know why I got so excited about it because it was in my face the entire time lol.

But mark my words I will be on a stage teaching people everything that i know and what I know is how to live in my own truth.

Living in your own truth sets others free of their own mental prison. I’m here to set others free.

My mind’s level of understanding says to walk away and be done. While there was great value there is nothing left to be learned. Can’t you see the hurt and pain? Can’t you see the stagnation? Can’t you see the vicious cycle? Can’t you see the next phase is on the other side?

My heart’s level of understanding says through the pain and hurt there have been great lessons learned. When I follow my heart and live in this space there is eternal bliss. While my heart does see the cycle it seems to be worth it. My heart says keep going.

My soul’s level of understanding says rest not in your own understanding, but in God’s. It says when I have found the soul in which I love I will move mountains in order to obtain it. There will be none other for you. For you are deserving of Heaven on earth. My soul tells me to love like God loves because once upon a time I didn’t know either.

My soul says to ignore all other things because this is bigger than me, it is bigger than my wildest dreams. My soul says, you are in preparation and while it seems like nothing makes sense in this moment trust that when it all falls into place you’ll be thankful that you didn’t give up.

Everything that you want and desire is on the other side of faith and patience.

I truly don’t give myself the credit I deserve.
I am the calm in the storm that destroys because I can see the beauty in the destruction.
I am the one that thrives in chaos because that has been my life all along.
I am the one that’ll find your brightside or at least the silver lining, so it’s best that you didn’t complain to me.
I am the one that plants seeds to show you the depth of your own mind.
I am the one who convinces you that you could save yourself.
I am the one who will be your light in your darkest moments.
I am the one that has healed through the fire. The one that emerges from the ashes.
I am the one who thrives in the fire.
I am the one who holds my dreams to a higher standard and by any means necessary they will come to fruition.
I am the one who speaks things into existence.
I am the one who loves the deepest even though she was never taught how.
I am the person that will always be a listening ear because I know what it’s like to be told be quiet.
I am the person, no excuse me, I am the light.

My souls shines so bright that I can no longer see my imperfections.
I am perfection.
I am happiness.
I am joy.

And when i tell you I am all of the above its from a space of rejoicing because I have made it out of the wilderness. Seasons change, but God is Present and keeps the promises that were made.