In your death you took the lightest part of my soul and left me in complete darkness.

You made me search for everything that was good inside of myself and brought it to the forefront.

I’m laughing because I always thought you took the best part of me, but what you took was the broken part of me.

You took the mask that I had created for myself, the one that gave false light. You ripped me of everything that I knew.

I’m laughing because I always thought you took the best part of me.

Damn guy, how in the hell did you manage to do this?

Your death continues to bring me new life. This is the first year that I could say I’m not going to crumble. I can honestly say that this is the happiest I have ever been.

I am amazed by you each day. Each day I get to keep you alive.

I’m laughing because me and Jeff were speaking about your music and I said, oh he did that song before, right?

He said, umm lmao I said, pause you know what i meant. We really had to laugh though because I feel you so deep in my heart that I know you never left.

I will continue to thank you for my new life, i will continue to keep you alive and I will continue to thank you for leaving me with the best people imaginable.

I’m laughing bc i just heard you say nigga we made it! Lmao

2 years ago I was told I should be a teacher. I said, yea sounds good, but no.

Throughout the year I kept hearing the same thing. I said, listen, no lol. Once I started working on my book and realizing that I wanted to write for the rest of my life something started to shift.

I told her that i didn’t see myself in front of a classroom teaching academics because there isn’t anything that I care enough about to teach someone else.

I said, I see myself on a stage speaking my truth and helping others conquer their own darkness. I said, that’s what I’m passionate about, I’m passionate about people.

A few months ago my mom told me her mom and aunts were all teachers and allll of my closest friends are teachers.

I asked God what my calling was and I was told it was to be a teacher. Which I don’t know why I got so excited about it because it was in my face the entire time lol.

But mark my words I will be on a stage teaching people everything that i know and what I know is how to live in my own truth.

Living in your own truth sets others free of their own mental prison. I’m here to set others free.

My mind’s level of understanding says to walk away and be done. While there was great value there is nothing left to be learned. Can’t you see the hurt and pain? Can’t you see the stagnation? Can’t you see the vicious cycle? Can’t you see the next phase is on the other side?

My heart’s level of understanding says through the pain and hurt there have been great lessons learned. When I follow my heart and live in this space there is eternal bliss. While my heart does see the cycle it seems to be worth it. My heart says keep going.

My soul’s level of understanding says rest not in your own understanding, but in God’s. It says when I have found the soul in which I love I will move mountains in order to obtain it. There will be none other for you. For you are deserving of Heaven on earth. My soul tells me to love like God loves because once upon a time I didn’t know either.

My soul says to ignore all other things because this is bigger than me, it is bigger than my wildest dreams. My soul says, you are in preparation and while it seems like nothing makes sense in this moment trust that when it all falls into place you’ll be thankful that you didn’t give up.

Everything that you want and desire is on the other side of faith and patience.

I truly don’t give myself the credit I deserve.
I am the calm in the storm that destroys because I can see the beauty in the destruction.
I am the one that thrives in chaos because that has been my life all along.
I am the one that’ll find your brightside or at least the silver lining, so it’s best that you didn’t complain to me.
I am the one that plants seeds to show you the depth of your own mind.
I am the one who convinces you that you could save yourself.
I am the one who will be your light in your darkest moments.
I am the one that has healed through the fire. The one that emerges from the ashes.
I am the one who thrives in the fire.
I am the one who holds my dreams to a higher standard and by any means necessary they will come to fruition.
I am the one who speaks things into existence.
I am the one who loves the deepest even though she was never taught how.
I am the person that will always be a listening ear because I know what it’s like to be told be quiet.
I am the person, no excuse me, I am the light.

My souls shines so bright that I can no longer see my imperfections.
I am perfection.
I am happiness.
I am joy.

And when i tell you I am all of the above its from a space of rejoicing because I have made it out of the wilderness. Seasons change, but God is Present and keeps the promises that were made.

Light is starting to reach every part of the earth. People are starting to realize that everything they thought was reality was a lie. They’re starting to see that they need a healing in the land, but healing starts with them.

People are starting to search for the truth because the lie is too painful. The person next to you may very well not be the same person today as they were yesterday.

The transformation starts within, the moment you feel like there has to be something better than this because this cannot be it. I cannot live a life of just work and maybe a vacation here and there with the permission of someone else.

The truths that were hidden in the dark and God they are evil, are coming to light. How could we have missed so much? Oh! Right, we only see what they show us.

Puppet masters pulling the strings. You can talk about this, but don’t you dare talk about that.

The one thing we all have in common is the fact that we want to be loved. Every last one of us wants to be loved.

So, why in the hell can’t we just be what we all want? I can say that I love you without needing a response, your lack of response doesn’t change my heart.

I love you and you and you because I can. I love you because you don’t feel loved. I love you because you deserve to be loved. I love you because at the end of the day we’re all we have.

If someone said,in order heal your land and your people you had to love like you never loved before, would you love with every fiber of your being?

Because I have to tell you that i would.

I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being.

Okay, bare with me as this may seem like a ramble, but i promise you it’s a good one.

God has showed up and showed out. If saying the universe makes you feel better then read this through that lens, but let’s get over ourselves and realize that it’s the same source, force and power behind it.

I choose to praise God!

Now, the level of excitement I feel right now is out of this world. Since I quit my job I haven’t needed or wanted for anything. Over the course of time I have received over $10,000 don’t ask how because my how wouldn’t be yours. Just know when people said no God said yes.

I say that to say this. Find what’s in your heart and follow the hell out of it. We have become so accustomed to thinking our heart gets broken. Your feelings live in your mind and feelings are fleeting. Your mind is put in place to protect you it’s all for survival. Following your heart will give you the most alive feeling that you’ve ever felt. If 2020 taught us anything, it taught us that in a blink of an eye it could all change, and life wasn’t guaranteed.

Back to why I want to rejoice lol. The last few months I have been able to focus on what makes my heart shine and to dive into my passions, some new and some that I forgot about. God sent me into the wilderness literally the woods were my backyard lol, but I just knew going in i was getting a miracle. My miracle didn’t happen the way I thought it would. I began to question like um I’m here doing what you said. I’m ready for the next step.

My inner voice said, hoe, how are you ready for something that you’re not putting action to? (God has a dope way of speaking to you in a language that you understand) don’t judge me though lol.

That’s the moment I sat and came up with the modules for my business and content for the website that im currently working on.

Long story short.

Find what lives in your heart and follow the hell out of it because as fate would have it you will be protected and given more than you deserve.

Find the language that God speaks to you in and listen.

Without action there really is no plan and without taking steps doors can’t be closed and opened for you.

Stay dope and drink water

P.S. as I make my own shifts I could see the people closest to me making their own and stepping into their purpose. If they haven’t found their purpose they’re stepping out of their unhappiness and moving towards a brighter day.

Energy is a beautiful thing!

I’m starting a self-love empowerment coaching business and put together 4 modules.

They include:
Self-love
Happiness/fears
Forgiveness
Healing

I’m looking for 4 volunteers to do the modules you could pick one or all 3. Healing is the recap of what we learned over the course of time.

Requirements:
Someone who is serious about changing their way of thinking.
Someone who is open and honest and not afraid to share how they feel.

The work involved is answering the basic questions in as much detail as possible.

From there I’ll tailor questions to your specific need and we’ll set goals and task for you to do.

I’m here to hold you accountable, but I also need you to hold yourself accountable.

I know life happens, but there can’t be too many excuses.

Trust me the process isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

I’m an open book there will never be a moment where you feel alone.

If interested you can email me tamirra.holland@gmail.com and everything is strictly business and between us.

The way everyone was excited for 2020, everyone thought that it was their year and they thought they were ready to make their dreams come true.

Then all of a sudden, we were met with bullcrap on top of bullcrap and everyone got discouraged.

I wonder if the dream that you had placed on your heart in the beginning of the year was strong enough to counteract everything that happened.

Were you able to set things up or even live life to the fullest?
Did you pick up hobbies in the midst of everything being shutdown?
Did you realize this was the time to heal things that came to the surface to be dealt with?

I guess what I am really asking is if everything was in the reverse and what your idea of blessings were started to pour down.

Would you be ready to receive them? Or would you have missed them because of “circumstances”?

As I lay here with my eyes closed I could picture your face. All the while I’m hearing a conversation that I’ve had about you where I stated you were God to me.

You’re a goddess in your own right, matter of fact you embody the very nature of the conversation if God was a woman.

If God was a woman she would be just like you. The way you look into my eyes and past my faults and pull up my deepest darkest fears. You don’t do it to judge, no, you do it to help heal me. You nurture every flaw that I tried to hide and you tell me that I’m beautiful.

You look me so deep into my eyes that you pull every emotion out of me, but those damn tears are what you get the most. You feel my emotions in order to help me understand myself.

Your nature is so calm and soothing, but oh so protective. You possess the strength of all the women that came before you. You are a light and im like a moth to your flame.