These last two years I have been working on myself. Going through each obstacle to get back to my true self. Going through and letting go of people, places and things.

We’re souls living a human experience. My God did I have an experience. I came here to learn that through every trial and tribulation, through every traumatic experience, and through the self-hate; I realized that I was more than enough.

For so long I convinced myself that I wasn’t for my own reasons and my own demons. The funny thing about that is God has always put people in my life that has loved me unconditionally, but I was never able to see it because I didn’t love myself unconditionally.

I have been shown the most love from the people I’ve hurt the most. You know what that taught me? It taught me forgiveness.

It taught me how to forgive people because they weren’t operating from a space of love within themselves.

How could I judge when I’ve been there before?

I have lied to those who have been nothing but honest with me. I guess out of the fear of rejection or maybe this weird thing called taking accountability. I have learned the power of taking accountability, all it does is propel you forward.

Yesterday, I decided to speak my truth in the most vulnerable way possible and although it wasn’t the answer I was looking for, there was a sense of empowerment. I spoke from my heart and thats all I could do. I also feel as if I have been letting the world see me for who I truly am for the last few months.

I have ripped the armor off of my heart and let my light shine bright. Telling you this is who I am take it or leave it, but you leaving it has nothing to do with how I feel about myself.

Last night I received a message saying, my karmic account is now full! It didn’t hit me until this morning.

I had an epiphany while in the shower drowning myself lol. I realized I worked through everything that kept me in the mindset of lack and its time to fully step into my power and show the world who I really am!

Website, Podcast, and Book coming soon!!

Fear in my mind equates to death and destruction.
Fear is the only thing that holds us back from living the life that we want and with the people we want it with.

Fear has a funny way of getting in the way of dreams and aspirations.
It builds a wall of lies blocking us from what is on the other side.

They say, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I’m learning if you stay somewhere too long it kills what you have planted.

The point of life is to plant seeds wherever you go. The right seeds will grow with or without your attention. The point is to never stay anywhere too long.

Fear will have you unhappy for the rest of your life. Dying a death after living a life that seemed not worth living. Trying to make the best out of every situation; when you could’ve been the best in every situation.

I lay down crippled by fear because it is embedded deeper than I would like to admit.

Crippled by the art of letting go. Convincing myself if I just hold on a little tighter that it will work out and it will be for me. Crippled by the idea of how others would react to my happiness I decide to stay in the shadows of my mind.

Crippled by the fear that is telling me that I can’t do something or I’m not deserving. Crippled by the fear that says, people can’t see past your lack, so in reality you’ll never be enough.

Isn’t that funny? No matter how much healing that takes place its fear that can make everything “seem” like its crumbling down.

Relax, fear is just the magnifying glass on the things that need to be worked on and worked through. We can never get over things, but we have the capability to get through them.

When we can’t move on from the things that hold us back is when the tears start to form.

When you ignore the tears is when the depression kicks in.

If you’re lucky you’ll feel the desperation to expand and when that happens nothing can get in your way.

If you choose not to expand, your way of life will always seem meek and suffocating.

My need to expand will stop at no cost.

Where is your need?

With my light you’re like a moth to a flame.

You’ve also seen what flames do to moths so it scares you the most.

This time you aren’t a moth that is engulfed and killed.

You’re a Phoenix that rises from the ashes.

You get the opportunity to be someone new. I know right? Scariest thing in the fucking world.

Or is it? With time things always change, with time we have to learn to adapt.

Or do we? We can just be our truest selves and live in our own truth bc the taste of it is oh so sweet.

We’ve done things the same for so long that we think it’s normal we also think that we’ll get different results. The true definition of crazy.

I feel your burning desire. I feel all of what you don’t say. And that’s why I push you to express yourself bc you have so much to say.

And I know with my light you’re like a moth to a flame.

There is your side, his/her side and then there is the truth. Right now, I don’t think any of us have the truth no matter what side ya’ll on.

Have the same story told by different people on opposing sides and the narrative fits their beliefs.

Fueling anger for absolutely nothing. It’s really sad how beliefs can do that for you.

I guess everyone has their own account of the “truth”.

When I was in therapy, my therapist told me I had the personality of a child who had an addict for a parent. I raised my eyebrow and told her, no this is just my personality, I thought I was cool. She basically said, you are, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a textbook case. Lol

Ya’ll, I’m in a whole textbook, I read it for myself lol. I never rock the boat and I always stay in the background, learning how to be as independent as possible. Don’t get me wrong my mom did her best while drowning out her own demons and again I think I’m pretty cool lol.

When you truly heal it comes with a cost. You lose the personality that was forged in trauma. You lose the only identity that you’ve ever known.

Do you understand how scary that is?
Without your personality, who are you?
Are you operating from a space of love or operating from a space to be loved?

There is a major difference, if it’s to be loved then you’ll never be satisfied.

I’ve had years of being unsatisfied because of the space I’ve operated from. Years of disappointment because of my expectations of people. I was looking for them to give me something I couldn’t give myself.

Do you understand how dangerous that is?
Do you understand the type of power you give away?

In order for me to love I had to heal. I had to heal from all of the trauma, even the ones i forgot about. Lord, those hit me like a ton of bricks lol.

The only true way to self-love and true love of others is to heal yourself. All of the pretty words you speak over yourself, the mask you wear, and strong arm emojis won’t save you. The only thing that could is facing yourself in the mirror and acknowledging your “ugly” truths.

Two becomes one.

The other day I was sitting on the porch painting and right next to the house a family of deer came out of the woods.

A few moments after that a humming bird was to the left of me and stayed there long enough for me to see it.

Later that day, we were in a car and a little frog jumped on the windshield right in front of me.

Needless to say, I had a day of signs from Heaven. As we all know everything happens for a reason. Everything has a meaning behind it, you just have to be willing to pay attention.

What if I told you I could get you back to your true self, what if I told you I had the gift of restoration, what if I told you I could lead you to your purpose?

Would you take me up on my offer?

I think it’s really disheartening.

Everyone screams about the importance of mental health, but then turns around and jokes on or doesn’t understand people fight demons bigger than they could ever imagine.

Yeah, people make their own bed and have to lie in it, but I’m sure we have all had to do the same.
If you can’t meet someone with compassion and understanding maybe you shouldn’t meet them at all.

Why am I scrolling down my timeline seeing videos of fighting and someone killing people at point blank range? What are you feeding yourself as you watch these videos and what are you trying to feed me or others by sharing?
Yea I get it your page you can do what you want. The question is, when will you realize the energy that you put out is the energy you get in return? Everyone is screaming how important energy is and how they have to protect theirs at all cost and yet they are doing themselves the most harm.

Here is another thing for you to think about.

1. You have a group of 5 “friends” that show each other disrespect. As people walk by they see the disrespect and they think they could join.
Why? Bc that’s what they’re being shown.

2. I say something disrespectful about my sister to you and you turn around and say something about her.
Can I get mad? No because I’ve already set the standard for how to treat her. The narrative of well that’s my sister I can say what I want is out the window.

3. If I am defeated in my own space and I have a lack of care for my belongings.
Can I get mad at people for coming in and not respecting my space? You could only hope that people wouldn’t follow my lead, but it’s been proven time and time again that people will treat the space how you treat it.

I’m just going to leave all of that right there with you.

I think it’s time to take accountability for ourselves on an individual level and for once look at the energy you put out.

Life isn’t rainbows and sunshine.
But it doesn’t have to be
Death and destruction either.

My experience is unconditional love wrapped in trauma.

The purest love trampled on by everything that I was taught along the way. The idea of not feeling worthy of love, so taking in any form that i could get.

Taught that i was supposed to lose myself in every situation that i found myself in; leaving behind bits and pieces of the purest love.

Only to fill myself with the coldness and trauma of others. Taking on their energy as if it were my own.

Allowing people to permeate my being while breaking themselves against me. Watching as the vicious cycle continues.

Broken pieces after broken pieces, when will it end? It won’t end if we keep wearing the prettiest mask. The mask that says, we truly love ourselves when in reality we live with broken pieces inside. It won’t end if we keep saying that we’re healed, but in reality we’re willing to still hurt those that come across our paths.

To be loved with no conditions is something that we strive for, but we can’t even learn to forgive.

How can we expect something for ourselves when we aren’t willing to give it away freely?

Expectations so high of others when you can’t even give it to yourself.

My experience is unconditional love wrapped in understanding.

My experience is unconditional love wrapped in compassion.

My experience is unconditional love wrapped in truth.

My own truth that sets me free.