When I was in therapy, my therapist told me I had the personality of a child who had an addict for a parent. I raised my eyebrow and told her, no this is just my personality, I thought I was cool. She basically said, you are, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a textbook case. Lol
Ya’ll, I’m in a whole textbook, I read it for myself lol. I never rock the boat and I always stay in the background, learning how to be as independent as possible. Don’t get me wrong my mom did her best while drowning out her own demons and again I think I’m pretty cool lol.
When you truly heal it comes with a cost. You lose the personality that was forged in trauma. You lose the only identity that you’ve ever known.
Do you understand how scary that is?
Without your personality, who are you?
Are you operating from a space of love or operating from a space to be loved?
There is a major difference, if it’s to be loved then you’ll never be satisfied.
I’ve had years of being unsatisfied because of the space I’ve operated from. Years of disappointment because of my expectations of people. I was looking for them to give me something I couldn’t give myself.
Do you understand how dangerous that is?
Do you understand the type of power you give away?
In order for me to love I had to heal. I had to heal from all of the trauma, even the ones i forgot about. Lord, those hit me like a ton of bricks lol.
The only true way to self-love and true love of others is to heal yourself. All of the pretty words you speak over yourself, the mask you wear, and strong arm emojis won’t save you. The only thing that could is facing yourself in the mirror and acknowledging your “ugly” truths.
Two becomes one.