Sometimes I feel like a motherless child rings in my ears and pierces me through my soul. When I hear that song, it puts me in a chokehold.

Today, the story changed as I was listening to the song and allowed myself the freedom of not getting caught up in emotions. I realized that I had been blessed with some of the best women and mothers I know.

The ones who pray over me in silence and out loud. The ones who shower me with an abundance of knowledge and love. They show me their mistakes, so I won’t have to go down the same road. They love my child as if she were their own. They show me what they’ve done right to lighten my load so my path isn’t too dark.

Today was the last day that I felt like a motherless child because I found a home in too many women for me to feel alone.

I am terrified of you, and yet I can’t get enough. I follow my heart, and it leads back to you. At the same time, my mind continues to play tricks on me.

But how could I listen to those stories that I make up in my mind when everything says green.

Greenlight. She reflects the darkness that lives inside of you.
Greenlight. Once you find your light, you shine a light on her darkness and help her heal.
Greenlight. You both somehow feel unworthy of each other.
Greenlight. You feel unworthy of her because you feel like you can’t measure up in her material world.
Greenlight. She feels unworthy because she realizes you want nothing from her except her love.
Greenlight. You both are having a hard time trusting the other.
Greenlight. You both proved you guys were in the long run.
Greenlight. Your souls transformed the minute you guys met.
Greenlight. Dont be afraid.
Greenlight. She only speaks what you feel in your heart.
Greenlight. It’s time to overcome it.
Greenlight. Love is in the air.

The child that never wanted to rock the boat. The one that always wanted smooth sailing, even if it came at a price.

The price was more than she could afford. It was constant apologizing even when she did nothing wrong. It was fading into the background, hoping that her quietness was deemed as obedient.

The price was lying on the cold, wet ground allowing people to walk all over her so they wouldn’t get their feet wet. She thought she could handle it better than they could, so she just allowed herself to sink into the ground.

She became a doormat; she became the person people could blame for their troubles even though she sat prim and proper.

She sat quietly as people abused her kindness. She made excuses and said, well, it’s okay. Everyone has their days.

But she thought, when will her day come? Sadly for her, the day never came at that point in her life.

Until the woman emerged from the sunken ground.

I had to learn how to stop apologizing when I wasn’t in the wrong.

I had to stop allowing people to walk all over me.

I set healthy boundaries, and to those affected by it the most gives me immense grief, but you know what, this woman doesn’t care.

My soul becomes fragmented when I put others over myself.

The love I have for others will never change, but what does change is the love that I have for myself.

And the love for you could never surpass the love I have for myself, not anymore.

The child feels guilty, but the woman says, come correct or not at all.

The child says, love me, I’ll be good, I promise. The woman says, love me in my strength and weakness or don’t love me.

The child says I don’t care how you talk to me; the woman says, please think before you speak and give me the most authentic version of yourself because anything less won’t be tolerated.

See, everyone has a breaking point, and I’ve finally reached mine.

We were taught that people love things more than the person in front of them.

So, in our minds, we believe that we have to obtain material things to be loved.

The more you have, the more people will love you.

The sad truth is if we love only people who have things, we miss out on unconditional love.

You know, the love that we could all feel if we learned to put things down.

I know it’s a hard thing to believe. Could you be happy without things? How could this be?

Because happiness could never come from things or what people can do for you.

Love could never be felt through things of the material world.

Things lose value.

The new car off the lot lost value the minute it left the dealership.

Things only have as much value as we believe they do.

Someone from the South will look at someone from the North and say you’re bugging. I’m not paying that much for a house when I could have much more for less.

When we put a value on love, we lose.

You lose yourself because you now put a price on yourself when in actuality, you’re priceless.

You lose the person that could have shown you the true meaning of love and happiness because you felt their love wasn’t worth much without the car and house.

Unconditional love opens us up to worlds beyond the one you could see.

Unconditional love opens us to ourselves.

But I guess we’ve run so far from ourselves that things are good enough to fill the voids.

Love is coming to sweep through the nations, and every dark place will be lit no stone unturned.

Remember, things are fleeting if met with any choice. Always choose love.

Love with no conditions.

Im sorry that you had to die; I promise I won’t forget what you’ve done for me.

I promise that your death won’t go in vain. I promise to live a life that you tried to live but couldn’t.

I will forever remember how much you suffocated so that I won’t make the same mistakes.

I will live by your example and make it better than you could have ever dreamed.

I will set the boundaries that you never could. I will honor myself beyond the stars.
I promise I won’t settle for less than I deserve.
I promise that I won’t help people beyond my ability.
I promise you I will never bleed myself to death again.

You gave your last breath yesterday for me to live. You took me to the place where people go to die and Lord, did I feel it.

But you gave your life so that I could breathe easy. You remind me never to allow anyone to suffocate me again.

For that, your death won’t go in vain.