Trauma Response Cancelled

The child that never wanted to rock the boat. The one that always wanted smooth sailing, even if it came at a price.

The price was more than she could afford. It was constant apologizing even when she did nothing wrong. It was fading into the background, hoping that her quietness was deemed as obedient.

The price was lying on the cold, wet ground allowing people to walk all over her so they wouldn’t get their feet wet. She thought she could handle it better than they could, so she just allowed herself to sink into the ground.

She became a doormat; she became the person people could blame for their troubles even though she sat prim and proper.

She sat quietly as people abused her kindness. She made excuses and said, well, it’s okay. Everyone has their days.

But she thought, when will her day come? Sadly for her, the day never came at that point in her life.

Until the woman emerged from the sunken ground.

I had to learn how to stop apologizing when I wasn’t in the wrong.

I had to stop allowing people to walk all over me.

I set healthy boundaries, and to those affected by it the most gives me immense grief, but you know what, this woman doesn’t care.

My soul becomes fragmented when I put others over myself.

The love I have for others will never change, but what does change is the love that I have for myself.

And the love for you could never surpass the love I have for myself, not anymore.

The child feels guilty, but the woman says, come correct or not at all.

The child says, love me, I’ll be good, I promise. The woman says, love me in my strength and weakness or don’t love me.

The child says I don’t care how you talk to me; the woman says, please think before you speak and give me the most authentic version of yourself because anything less won’t be tolerated.

See, everyone has a breaking point, and I’ve finally reached mine.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s