I Trust

I asked when will the tears stop; she said when the flower blossoms.

“April showers bring May flowers.”

The pain is only temporary. I’ve cried and begged before. Now I’m begging myself for forgiveness.

Once again, asking myself to forgive myself for not understanding even when I knew better.

I could always feel an ending coming. I guess it’s one of my many gifts.

You know today, April 8, is a year since I quit my job. I went against everything that people said and everything that people felt. I had to follow my heart and spirit, and under the circumstances, I had to quit.

Here’s the thing my spirit never lies.

In my heart, I knew I was spending my life with someone.

I would argue until I was blue in the face.

But…

We ended our friendship. So, I sat and questioned everything and processed what I felt.

And I said, but God.

And God says, only when two people become whole could they become one.

Wasn’t I whole in this friendship the way it was going? Or was I repeating the same patterns?

It turns out I was repeating, but when you stop blaming others and look at yourself, you start to realize you were the problem. They were only mirrors of what you were feeling about yourself.

Only when you step away could you see yourself.

Subconsciously, I’ve built these walls around myself and felt like I wouldn’t be whole if I didn’t have certain things.

But…

You know what? Those things don’t define me, but what it does show me is the gift of manifestation through my dreams and my work and my ability to make things happen.

It’s trusting myself and my spirit to put action behind my words without external love.

My spirit doesn’t lie.

“If you love something, let it go free. If it doesn’t come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.”

Either way, experiencing love is the greatest gift of all. If it wasn’t mine to keep, I still cherish all that it was in the moment.