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Favor over Fear. chapter 2

Before I ask you if you could relate, I want to explain what I meant.

I did everything that I was supposed to do except take care of myself. I went to work and came home and took care of my family. I gave so much of myself even when I knew I was being depleted. Why wouldn’t I? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? We’re supposed to be the backbone for someone else; we’re supposed to sacrifice for other people. Who cares how you feel as long as the person on the receiving end is happy.

When does your happiness begin to matter? When do you begin to count?

My essence is my inner happiness and peace, and when I tell you, I wished for death because it had to be better than my experience. I cried out so many times just for it to be over.

I never got my wish, but I got something better I found the ability to find my happiness even if that meant letting go of things and people that I thought would last forever.

I’ll ask again how many of you could relate? How many of you want more? How many of you need more but don’t know how to get there?

Allow me to show you my journey and how I found my happiness and learned how to conquer my fears.

You can find it here in my free ebook.

Favor over Fear: a guide to self-love

https://hustling-maker-5858.ck.page/191fc69eb1

The Outer Limits

The outer limits of my mind, where the chaos lives.The place where my greatest ideas are muddled by fear.

The outer limits of my mind, where the chaos lives. The place where I can’t move through.

The outer limits of my mind, where the chaos lives. A place that I am not to visit.

The outer limits of my mind, where the chaos lives.

I made the mistake of going to the outer limits where the chaos lives and almost gave up on myself.

I am grateful for the two who could pull me back to the inner workings of my mind where there is peace. They laugh while they do it, but they never let me go.

Tony’s Child

My ego has been suffocating my heart’s words all day.

All I wanted to do was tell you about my father. I wanted to tell you a story. My ego says, why? He’s killed himself many times in your life. What role does he have to play in any of your growth of who you are?

You can’t give him so much credit when he didn’t fight his demons.

My heart says, but he never allowed his demons to destroy you. You only had to deal with the demon of absence.

My mind says, yea, but that’s enough. What more do you need to know? Forget the fact that his blood runs through your veins. Forget the fact you’re just like him. Forget the fact that you’ve felt a void your entire life.


My heart says, yes! You’re just like him. You have all of his gifts. You have the gift of gab. You can meet people and instantly connect; you meet people and leave a lasting impression. Yes! You’re just like him. Your mind is sharp and moves at a fast speed. Yes! You’re just like him, and I know that it scares you because it made him dangerous.

My mind says, see dangerous, how is that a gift if he was dangerous? How is it a gift if he could manipulate the mind? She should be afraid because she’s witnessed the power of her mind. She knows what she’s capable of, And it’s not pretty. She knows she shouldn’t have so much power. Don’t you remember?

My heart says, yes, we remember because you won’t let us forget. You can’t hold her hostage to what she did in her 20’s. Her father couldn’t let go of the pain and hurt, but she’s healed. She’s healing right now at this moment. She knows it’s not just her mother’s blood that runs through her veins. She knows the only way to heal her inner child entirely is to acknowledge her father’s blood. You’re just mad because she was strong enough to make her peace after he died one last time.

Luckily for her, she knows that wasn’t the last time because she knows he lives inside her. She knows nothing can separate them because she is him, and he is her.

She knows the gifts that he provided her to make her the person she is today. She knows that in her heart, she’ll always be daddy’s little girl. Even when she couldn’t have a daddy all of the time in the physical, she knows she got the best of her father, and for that, she will honor him forever.

So when you ask her who she is, she’ll say she’s Tony’s child.

Authentic Version

As I grew as a person, I knew what type of partner I was looking for any time I evolved, so did my person.

I was looking for someone just like me. My partner had to be everything that I was; I mean, I think im cool, but my freedom is what sets me apart.

I wanted my person to be just as free as I am, not realizing I was locking them in a box that looked like me.

The other night everything in me felt like a wild horse that couldn’t be tamed unless I wanted to be, and I said I wanted my partner to be just as wild and free, and we only tame each other if we wanted to be.

How can I determine someone else’s freedom?

I can’t, but what I can do is show up as the most authentic version of myself. Every time until they feel comfortable enough to do the same.

Let’s face it; when ppl see freedom, they become intrigued and want to know your secrets to keep for themselves.

Fun Fact

Law of Attraction doesn’t work if it’s only coming from your mind’s thinking.

We all have dreams, needs, and wants, but if you don’t believe it with heart, then it’ll never come.

Without a shadow of a doubt, you deserve it. Can you imagine all of the opportunities you let slip away bc of fear?

Your heart knows no fear, but your mind does.

I can say I am a millionaire all-day, but if it hasn’t come to me, then I have to start going inside of myself and asking why?

1) Am I taking action towards being a millionaire?
2) Am I facing my fears so that I know without a shadow of a doubt I deserve it?
3) When I say I am a millionaire, am I only thinking about myself and maybe a few friends and family, or am I thinking about which part of humanity I would be able to help?

When things come from your heart, you’ll always have enough.

Always be a blessing for someone else; hell, you never know what powers you might help them unlock.

(Fun fact: I never asked to be a millionaire, I asked to be able to write for the rest of my life. Passions are always followed by money)

God Is

God is the tree that supplies us with oxygen to breathe.

God is the soil that harvests the crops.

God is the crops that nourish our bodies.

God is the mother that brings life into the world.

God is the father of much power who can give a speck of himself and create a new life.

God is the bee that pollinates the world.

God is the birds that sing in the morning to tell you; it’s a brand new day.

God is the rain that washes the dirt away.

God is the sun that shines bright and illuminates the world.

God is the moon that controls all water.

God is everything that meets the eye.

Silence

I hear silence; I hear nothing and yet in a complete space of being calm. Usually, when I hear silence, I feel alone, but today I know I’m never alone because I will always have me.

I will always show up for myself.
I will always take the lead in my life despite what it looks like to others.
I will be the trendsetter when it comes to following your heart.
I will take the lead in showing people what it looks like.

Silence is no more. Drums are going off because I have found the way to my heart. The course was never through someone else. It always had to be through me.

The drums and trumpets are going crazy because I have found the song that makes my heart sing.

The song that has been leading me home. I make my heart sing—my ability to find happiness even while alone makes my heart sing. My ability to take care of myself makes my heart sing. Let’s not forget my light that shines bright for the world to see.

When everyone is gone and the dust settles. The quiet time no longer haunts me the most. It is in the quiet time where I could hear my heart sing.

Good Luck

I’ve always had pretty good luck with lovers and friends. They never ended on a sour note. They just ended. People come, and they go. They take what they need, but they leave you with something so much more. They leave you with lessons for your heart.

Now what you do with those lessons is entirely up to you. They leave to show you your rights and wrongs. They go to show you who you indeed are. That is if you learn the lessons that are always in your favor. I mean, it is your life. It will always be in your favor.

I have climbed mountains after mountains to get me where I am. I said the person for me would have to meet me where I am. I couldn’t go back to save you. I sometimes lie when it comes to matters of the heart. I will save you when I can’t; you have to learn to protect yourself. As I understand, you know. As I take space to continue to climb, you find your footing to meet me where I am.

If the last spot I left you is where you choose to stay. I have to say it’s okay.

I’ve always had pretty good luck with lovers and friends. They never ended on a sour note. They just ended. People come, and they go. They take what they need, but they leave you with something so much more. They leave you with lessons for your heart.

Conversation with God

Me: God, I would like more bricks to build a wall around my heart.

God: (instantly laughing) I’ll play along. Why do you want a wall around your heart?

Me: well, everyone else gets to live cozy behind their wall. It seems safe back there

God: What did you do with the bricks from your last wall?

Me: well, you had me build a house with them. I didn’t ask to take those bricks away; I asked for new bricks so I could make a wall too.

God: So, you’re asking me for more bricks (problems) when you’re working on the shingled roof.

Me: Something like that; no, what I am saying is why does everyone else get to live pretty behind their wall, and I’m out exposed.

God: are you not protected? What about that time you were less than half an inch away from getting hit by that car, and everyone who saw knew you were saved because they couldn’t understand how you weren’t hit.
What about all the times you weathered the storm with strength and perseverance. Were you not protected then?

Me: (humbly asking at this point) but God, why is it that people could put the mirror to my face, and I have to face it no matter how I look in the reflection.

God: bc you’re uniquely you and have the capability of loving yourself through it all.
God: keep working at your house. We’ll furnish it later.