My ego has been suffocating my heart’s words all day.
All I wanted to do was tell you about my father. I wanted to tell you a story. My ego says, why? He’s killed himself many times in your life. What role does he have to play in any of your growth of who you are?
You can’t give him so much credit when he didn’t fight his demons.
My heart says, but he never allowed his demons to destroy you. You only had to deal with the demon of absence.
My mind says, yea, but that’s enough. What more do you need to know? Forget the fact that his blood runs through your veins. Forget the fact you’re just like him. Forget the fact that you’ve felt a void your entire life.
My heart says, yes! You’re just like him. You have all of his gifts. You have the gift of gab. You can meet people and instantly connect; you meet people and leave a lasting impression. Yes! You’re just like him. Your mind is sharp and moves at a fast speed. Yes! You’re just like him, and I know that it scares you because it made him dangerous.
My mind says, see dangerous, how is that a gift if he was dangerous? How is it a gift if he could manipulate the mind? She should be afraid because she’s witnessed the power of her mind. She knows what she’s capable of, And it’s not pretty. She knows she shouldn’t have so much power. Don’t you remember?
My heart says, yes, we remember because you won’t let us forget. You can’t hold her hostage to what she did in her 20’s. Her father couldn’t let go of the pain and hurt, but she’s healed. She’s healing right now at this moment. She knows it’s not just her mother’s blood that runs through her veins. She knows the only way to heal her inner child entirely is to acknowledge her father’s blood. You’re just mad because she was strong enough to make her peace after he died one last time.
Luckily for her, she knows that wasn’t the last time because she knows he lives inside her. She knows nothing can separate them because she is him, and he is her.
She knows the gifts that he provided her to make her the person she is today. She knows that in her heart, she’ll always be daddy’s little girl. Even when she couldn’t have a daddy all of the time in the physical, she knows she got the best of her father, and for that, she will honor him forever.
So when you ask her who she is, she’ll say she’s Tony’s child.