Nothing Except

It’s been a long time, let me see what you got.

I have nothing except the flow of the universe running through my veins.

I have nothing except the love for myself that keeps me on track.

I have nothing except the will to keep going.

I have nothing except for the love of God.

I have nothing except my need to create.

I have nothing except the challenges that move me forward in life.

I have nothing except unconditional love.

I have nothing except the talents God gave me to cultivate.

I have nothing except words that could change nations.

I have nothing except a fearless attitude towards life.

I have nothing except my spirit leading the way.

I have nothing except the love from those around me and those who watch me from afar.

Sometimes when you feel like you have nothing, you begin to realize you have everything.

Leap Of Faith

The chatter in my mind told me it was up to us to decide when the time was right.

We’ve been getting signs from the universe saying we want you two together, and yet we have free will.

The only thing stopping us is the fear of letting go of the old story to go on a new adventure.

See, that new adventure is beyond your wildest dreams. That’s why it’s safe to leave the dreaming up to me.

You’re stuck in limbo, but you hear me calling your name, telling you to follow my light. It’s safe.

Fear of the light has you looking back, but the more you look back, the darker it becomes.

You realize there is nothing there for you anymore, so you stay in limbo, thinking this is what you deserve.

Why should you be so lucky to find the person that was made for you? How would you even know how to love someone like her? Where do you begin when the animalistic side of you wants to eat her alive?

And yet, she’s so gentle with your soul and loves you like no other. You push, she pulls, and yet you’re snapped back to one.

How could you love someone that you think you don’t understand, but in reality, you know her like the back of your hand.

You know every inch of her body and soul.
You know exactly how to love her and how to stop her tears.

How could we be wrong when everything feels right? How could we be afraid of what people think when the universe said we were made for each other?

The problem comes when it’s time to surrender, but the only way out of limbo is to surrender.

Surrender to the love that you desire deep down in your soul.
To the faith of knowing everything that you’re afraid of will cancel itself out.
To your happiness because you deserve it.

You have learned your lessons. There is nothing left to learn.

How much suffering do you deserve?

Surrender and let your guard down and let love flow through.

We both have trust issues, but I trust you.

I trust you to love me to the end of the world and beyond.
To lead me where I am supposed to go.
Your action and your love.
I trust your ability to heal and do the work.
You to listen to that little voice that tells you where to go

We wait for perfect timing for things to fall into place without realizing we are in control.

It is our fears that are stopping us from leaping. You fear that thinks I’ll let you fall.

We triggered each other through hell, and now it’s about time we experienced Heaven on Earth.

That’s what it’s like being with you. It feels like Heaven on Earth.

I feel the world fall at my feet—the ease of life when you come near me.

How could you deny your heart screaming out for me?

The universe says yes, but our free will says we’re not ready.

And we’ll never be ready if we don’t leap.

What If

🚨🚨 Trigger alert 🚨🚨

What if everything that didn’t align with your beliefs wasn’t called a conspiracy theory and was renamed a different perspective.

What if instead of saying you need a drink or you need to smoke when problems arise, you face the issue head-on and be done with it.

What if instead of saying you need coffee, you establish better sleeping habits and a healthier diet. (If you get headaches from not drinking coffee, your body is going through withdrawal, the same way you tell addicts to figure out a way to get over their addictions is the same way you need to figure out how to get through the first stages)

What if we were told about the signs of the end of the world for so long that we’re playing right into the hands of the people who control the world.

What if covid was the beginning of a great awakening.

What if it wasn’t a coincidence that covid, self-love, self-care, trauma healing, and finding purpose in life run parallel to each other.

What if we could save ourselves and each other.

What if no one is coming to save you? Not in the way you might think.

What if for all of the people who tap into themselves and transmute their darkness to light, is what connects you to yourself and God.

What if the more people did that, the more light entered the world. Hence God coming into the world

What if you could change one thing about yourself today? What would it be?

The Silent Treatment

I grew up with silent treatment being the ultimate punishment.

You walk on eggshells because you don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t know if today is the day for freedom or something worse.

Internally you beg for communication; you pray for the attention you can’t stand to be alone.

Until one day, that part of you that longs for attention die.

You realize silence is better because at least nothing could be taken away from you. The little bit of love you feel when there is communication can’t be ripped from you in a blink of an eye.

But….

When you’re used to the silent treatment, you start attracting emotionally unavailable people—the ones who don’t know how to communicate how they feel.

You thought that piece of you was dead, the part that could deal with silence.

Instead, it teaches you anger, and yelling is better than silence.

You would rather hear someone’s words than try to fill in the blanks through silence.

I have been in more than one verbally abusive relationship because hell, at least you’re speaking to me.

At least I know there is something wrong. Do you want to blame it on me? That’s fine. I could handle it; I could take it better than silence.

Do you want to hit me? That’s okay. I deserved it because I did something wrong as long as I am told what I did wrong; this punishment is acceptable, but please don’t leave me in silence.

I will bow down to your every need as long as you don’t leave me in silence.

I will allow the abuse as long as you don’t leave me in silence. Please don’t leave me in silence.

That is what I used to say.

Today, I say, please leave me in silence if you have come to destroy my peace.

Keep Watch

Let me give you an idea of what limited beliefs look like:

Her #1 passion is writing
She’s written two books
She blogs
When she’s not in the creative space, she journals faithfully.

Drumroll, please.

She gets an opportunity to write more than a few articles in a magazine about topics that she’s passionate about, and yet she gets nervous and feels like she can’t do it.

And that, my friends, is what it looks like to have that little bit of doubt in yourself even when it’s not warranted.

Luckily for me, I’m in the space of recognizing that my mind is only playing tricks on me and that I am more than able to get it done.

But I wonder how many ppl let opportunities slip them by because of their limiting beliefs.

Had this been a few weeks ago, I might have let the opportunity pass me.

But without a doubt in my soul, I know for a fact this is what I’m meant to do.

Opportunities come when you’re ready to prove yourself.

Oh man, watch what happens next because I have a few more tricks up my sleeve.

Supernatural Love

The love that triggers the hell out of you, quite literally. It comes in to heal all of your broken pieces and puts you back together.

Even when it comes time to walk away, there is no fear of the unknown because, in your heart, you’ve already been told the truth. Your mind could say this is the end, but your heart says it’s only the beginning.

When things end, it leaves room for other things to usher in. God said, let go, and I’ll give you better.

I fell in love with your spirit but held onto your body out of fear.

I have not been entirely single since the age of 18, and I plan on living it up.

Someone said, oooo hot girl summer!! I said, yea, if that means becoming the person I was destined to be, then yea, sure.

I have everything in me to move forward with my dreams. I have the same energy that you supplied and taught me.

I told you that I needed you to take me home, but in reality, I have the power to do it myself.

I left you here to meet you there. Only when two people become whole could they become one.

My ability to become whole is what you taught me.

Mother Wounds

Mother wounds are a bitch. They are what trauma and nightmares are made of.

The way you look at relationships.
The way you look at yourself.
What you feel like relationships are supposed to be.

Even if she kept her relationships to herself or stayed single, hell even stayed in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids. She showed you that she didn’t think she was worthy of love. She says she doesn’t want to be bothered, but in reality, she stopped trusting herself a long time ago. She’s been hurt too many times, but instead of fixing her problems, she decided to stay the same.

I’ve always had a feeling my mom loved my sister more. My sister felt it was the other way around, but I have proof.

Anyway, what that perception taught me was I had to be okay with any love that I was offered and that it is okay to be second.

She taught me how to be second and be okay with it. She taught me that crumbs were good enough.

I have been okay with second my whole life that even when I get a taste of being first, I’m just waiting for the ball to drop. I’m waiting for the attention to disappear.

I’ve always valued my friends over my family because I felt like my friends loved me more.

And who knows if that’s the case, but they loved me out loud. They told me they loved me and did more than the bare minimum.

See, I grew up in a household where you got the bare minimum in love and maximum in stuff.

So, today I say forget your stuff give me love. I dont want things. I want to be held and touched and kissed, and I want to be loved out loud.

I have always been a secret and okay with it.

I no longer want to be kept a secret.

My mom keeps enough of those.
She’s kept herself a secret as not to be seen or hurt.

I’d rather be hurt until I learn than not to feel anything at all.

I don’t mind crying my eyes out, knowing that I tried.

I’d instead get back up and not lay there and die.

I could see her and feel her pain, but I refuse to live in it with her.

I have done the work; I have looked in the mirror.

And today, I release the ideas that I have to hold onto this mess just because my mother made me.

I Trust

I asked when will the tears stop; she said when the flower blossoms.

“April showers bring May flowers.”

The pain is only temporary. I’ve cried and begged before. Now I’m begging myself for forgiveness.

Once again, asking myself to forgive myself for not understanding even when I knew better.

I could always feel an ending coming. I guess it’s one of my many gifts.

You know today, April 8, is a year since I quit my job. I went against everything that people said and everything that people felt. I had to follow my heart and spirit, and under the circumstances, I had to quit.

Here’s the thing my spirit never lies.

In my heart, I knew I was spending my life with someone.

I would argue until I was blue in the face.

But…

We ended our friendship. So, I sat and questioned everything and processed what I felt.

And I said, but God.

And God says, only when two people become whole could they become one.

Wasn’t I whole in this friendship the way it was going? Or was I repeating the same patterns?

It turns out I was repeating, but when you stop blaming others and look at yourself, you start to realize you were the problem. They were only mirrors of what you were feeling about yourself.

Only when you step away could you see yourself.

Subconsciously, I’ve built these walls around myself and felt like I wouldn’t be whole if I didn’t have certain things.

But…

You know what? Those things don’t define me, but what it does show me is the gift of manifestation through my dreams and my work and my ability to make things happen.

It’s trusting myself and my spirit to put action behind my words without external love.

My spirit doesn’t lie.

“If you love something, let it go free. If it doesn’t come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.”

Either way, experiencing love is the greatest gift of all. If it wasn’t mine to keep, I still cherish all that it was in the moment.

Trauma Response Cancelled

The child that never wanted to rock the boat. The one that always wanted smooth sailing, even if it came at a price.

The price was more than she could afford. It was constant apologizing even when she did nothing wrong. It was fading into the background, hoping that her quietness was deemed as obedient.

The price was lying on the cold, wet ground allowing people to walk all over her so they wouldn’t get their feet wet. She thought she could handle it better than they could, so she just allowed herself to sink into the ground.

She became a doormat; she became the person people could blame for their troubles even though she sat prim and proper.

She sat quietly as people abused her kindness. She made excuses and said, well, it’s okay. Everyone has their days.

But she thought, when will her day come? Sadly for her, the day never came at that point in her life.

Until the woman emerged from the sunken ground.

I had to learn how to stop apologizing when I wasn’t in the wrong.

I had to stop allowing people to walk all over me.

I set healthy boundaries, and to those affected by it the most gives me immense grief, but you know what, this woman doesn’t care.

My soul becomes fragmented when I put others over myself.

The love I have for others will never change, but what does change is the love that I have for myself.

And the love for you could never surpass the love I have for myself, not anymore.

The child feels guilty, but the woman says, come correct or not at all.

The child says, love me, I’ll be good, I promise. The woman says, love me in my strength and weakness or don’t love me.

The child says I don’t care how you talk to me; the woman says, please think before you speak and give me the most authentic version of yourself because anything less won’t be tolerated.

See, everyone has a breaking point, and I’ve finally reached mine.