How can I not operate in chaos if it’s the only thing that I’ve known? If I am peace then what difference does it make what’s going on around me?

I am the quiet of the night and the peace in the dawn. I am what I say I am. I am most definitely whoever I say I want to be.

Right now, I am grateful I’m grateful for this peace of the morning’s breeze. I’m grateful that I can stand here alone and listen to the birds sing. I’m grateful that I have an outpouring of gratefulness this morning.

So many times I wake up and forget to be thankful and grateful. I forget that I don’t necessarily deserve the peace that is embedded in me. Yet, here I am able to finally see.

To see and feel my heart’s Joy. To feel everything of gratefulness radiating through me. So, today I’ll live in this in this space, this space of gratefulness.

My barriers are always the feelings that I allow to control me for at least a day. Those feelings that I let control me a second too long. Then I have to laugh at myself because I put up such a roadblock to what could’ve been such a productive day.

My barriers are always what I think I see when in reality I’m actually blind to it all. I think I see in one perspective when in reality I’m completely wrong. That just goes back to my barriers being the feelings that control me for at least a day. Those feelings that I let control me a second too long.

My barriers are actually the fear of trying and being something different for the sake of saving myself. Who am I to save myself when we’ve lived a pretty good 29 years? But now at 31 those years mean nothing they just go back to my barriers being the feelings that control me for at least a day. Those feelings that I let control a second too long.

The barriers of my mind can’t blind me for long. They might get me for a day but that’s a few seconds too long.

The heavens open up even if for a little while. Open up to remind you that your voice is loud, heard loud and clear. The boom that scares people who don’t know any better. The same way your words may be off putting to the ones who dont understand. The same boom that puts others to sleep. The same way your words bring about peace.

The light that strikes across the sky, the light that brightens things up in a moments time. The same as you do when you enter a room. The quiet storm that no one understands. The light that flashes before their eyes wondering if they really seen what they thought they did. Then that boom that comes from a distance to bring the realization that the storm is here. The same way you walk into a room, the same way you speak your words they realize that you’re here.

Your storm can either bring peace or it can destroy. Don’t let the thought of destroying get you down though because in destroying you know how to build back up.

The storm that has always lived inside of you shows you who you are. Why do you think you found your peace in it everytime?

Change my mind to change my heart. Convince me that it’ll be something better on the other side waiting for me. Change my way of thinking so I could change my way of life.

Change my heart from loving you so much to now loving myself more. Change me so that I can become better than yesterday. Change me so that I can see me.

Change my mind to change my heart. Love me so hard that I won’t look for it anywhere else. Change my mind to change my heart so that I’ll align myself with what’s right. Change my mind to change my heart so I don’t have to look for anything else.

Change me for the better.

Children living lives with no hope because their parents thought they were predestined for their conditions.

People searching for freedom but with no guidance leaves everything in a chaotic state.

Red lined by an invisible line but the effects so real caged like animals not expected to turn into monsters.

Deemed lazy and worthless because they can’t get ahead.

Babies having babies because hell what do they know the “pleasure” seems like its worth the pain all the while getting unconditional love from another human at any cost.

Innocence lost because there’s no hope, there’s nothing to lose.

Conditioned to believe that there is no worth in themselves, conditioned to believe that this line is truly holding them back.

Can’t see further than the block because they’re afraid to cross the street. Cross the street where freedom lives.

Willing to die for nothing because they live with no hope for better days.

To live or to love seems like a crazy question. Why would you have to choose? Wouldn’t they coincide with each other? Wouldn’t true love make you feel alive?

What’s really true love when you’re so used to falling for the lesser? The lesser that kills you a bit each time. So I see how you can ask to live or to love. But true love makes you feel alive.

Before you can feel alive you have to heal the damage that the lesser bought upon you. It feels like it’s almost not worth it to feel alive in true love.

To live or to love should never be a question because when it’s true love you’re already alive.

What your mind tells your heart is this is what you deserve. Paying for your past mistakes through the lens of self-hate. You’ve hurt people along your way so now you think karma is in full effect.

You deserve everything thing bad that comes your way because you can’t see all of the beautiful things that you produce, trampled by the self-hate.

If for a minute you see the light that mind of yours dims the light. Telling you that you’re not worthy of anything good. Telling you that you’ve damaged people on your journey, so why do you think you deserve better?

Looking in the mirror you can’t even see yourself all you see is imperfections in the lens of self-hate. Damaged by your own mind that reflects nothing good.

Self-hate will keep you in spaces that you don’t belong. It’ll keep you in the darkest corner where you feel you can’t come out. Self-hate is your mind playing tricks on you.

How can you be so sure you don’t deserve more when you’ve learned to produce such beautiful things? Having to forgive yourself and others like you because only in that can you dissolve the self-hate.

Lost souls trying to find their way home. The push and pull between right and wrong, knowing the right direction but going against your true self.

Lost souls trying to connect to each other in a world with such disconnect. Fighting against the system just to be one. Fighting against everything to return home.

Lost souls trying to find the answers to life not realizing they are the answer. Being muted by hurt, by drugs, by anything that means them no good.

Looking at itself like they aren’t worthy but that’s not your soul speaking that’s your mind telling you you’re less than.

Lost souls trying to connect to find their way home blinded by the hate that doesn’t serve them any good. Searching for the missing piece of the puzzle the puzzle that makes them whole.

Got caught in the rain, feels like exactly what I needed.

I know people looking like I’m crazy, but I’m looking at them how could you not enjoy this. I love the rain that washes away the dirt and pain. The rain that makes things grow, how can I not want to be apart of that?

How could I not want a cleansing even if it’s only for a few minutes. How can I not be one with nature in that moment getting the same life the plants and animals are getting.

Water dries but for what you get in that moment nothing compares. Nothing compares to God’s love, the love of nourishment, the love of a cleanse.

My heart has a song inside of her but she can’t quite find her voice. She writes and adds to this song daily but has no one to hear it. She lies maybe there are people to hear it maybe she’s more afraid than anything.

Her artwork is beautiful but she clams up at the thought of someone seeing it.

Ok maybe I’m lying when telling this story. My heart is more than ready for the world to see her. She’s fought so hard to be free of this space of judgment and lack of love. She just wants the world to see her thrive because she deserves it. She broke through the armor that once had her bonded her light burst out from the inside.

She tells me I told you that I was beautiful you just had to see it for yourself and for once I can truly say i see it. I can also see that she deserves everything she desires. We’re walking as one no longer trying to quiet her voice no longer trying to erase her song as she writes.

She just wants to pour herself out for those that will hear her. She’ll also continue knocking on the armor of the hearts around her until they hear her and find a way to breakthrough.