What Are You Feeling?

A suffocation of emotions and old beliefs, I feel the stagnation of my mind playing tricks on me. I feel the need to release repressed feelings that no longer serve me.

I feel the need to breathe and release, but I’m getting lost in the how. Watching everything around me instead of what’s inside of me. Paying attention to all the wrong things.

I speak for me, but I also speak for you. I speak for you because I can feel you in the deepest part of my soul. My suffocation is not mine alone.

The words don’t flow out of your mouth as it does mine. I’m the mirror that reflects your deepest needs and desires. The mirror where you could be your true self.

I shine the light through all of the mask you picked up along the way. As I heal you heal, as I become one with myself you begin to follow suit. You see the light that shines bright and you want it for yourself.

Death of one’s self is not an easy pill to swallow. They tell you not to go into the light, but that’s where you become alive.

White and Black Skin

In her white skin she shined a light on my black experience. She gave me the tools and understanding in order for me to transverse my own darkness.

She allowed me the freedom to feel as she gave me the logic behind it. She allowed the space of understanding and compassion.

I was given a shoulder that didn’t look like mine.

Was that just a coincidence? of course not. Her white skin and understanding allowed me to identify with my black skin and the beauty of it.

With her white skin and my black skin we become one. To shine a light where there is darkness.

It’s Time

God, I call forth your people. I call forth the ones that can lead in healing the lands. The ones who know for sure that the power lives inside of them. The ones who are led by spirit and not by ego.

God, I call forth your people that know they serve a purpose and for them to start living in it and if the have already started the journey to continue more than ever to live it on purpose. I call forth the ones who are fighting within themselves to find the peace they so desperately seek.

God, I call on the ones not distracted by the narrative of the world around them, the ones who know that they create their own reality. I call on the ones who are ready to create the reality of love and understanding. Compassion of knowing we all get it wrong sometimes and no one is perfect.

God, I call on you for the protection of these people, I call on you to send your army of Angels because this fight won’t be easy. I call on you to shed light where there is darkness. Guide us to our divinity, help us search ourselves to find you.

God, I call on you because it’s time!

And so it is
In Jesus’ name Amen

The Choice

I’m just going to place my unpopular opinion right here.

I feel it’s time to move on from certain narratives and realize we’re all humans living a human experience.

I feel like it’s time to start having conversations that makes us uncomfortable with the people that it makes us uncomfortable with.

The level of misunderstandings and hate is a real issue scrolling down my timeline seeing everyone point the finger at each other without taking some type of accountability is pretty disgusting.

I know people are tired of having to explain why something is right or wrong, but let’s step back and look at the whole picture. Take your personal feelings out of it and look through a lens of logic. Look at it through the lens of understanding.

The world is NEVER going to be the same again. No one is coming to save you . It’s time to save ourselves because at this point no one is right. We’re all wrong and we’re all missing the mark.

We are in the time of ultimate darkness and it’s time to be the light. I dont know about ya’ll, but I choose to live in the light.

We are all ultimately responsible for each other I cannot have knowledge about something and not share it and get mad because someone is ignorant to the fact. How can I sit next to you and not try to elevate you?

We are ALL carrying pain from experiences, we’re all carrying things that we were taught along the way and honestly it’s time to unlearn all of it and start over.

When I started to share my work and my own experiences I thought I was speaking to a certain demographic. God proved me wrong and showed me that as a COLLECTIVE WHOLE we ALL share the same feelings and fears.

Anyway, long story short be the light.

Scars

I’ll show you my scars if you show me yours. Sike, I’ll show you mine without the thought of looking at yours. My scars tell the story of heartache to triumph.

My scars speak to me louder than the person in front of me. My scars are what make me beautiful. How dare you think I need to see yours in order to share mine.

My scars tell me there has been healing in places I thought were impossible. My scars are raised above my skin and my heart, the trail where you could run your fingers back to the start.

Would you rather see where my scars end or begin? Either choice you’ll see the beauty that lies within.

Coming Out Of The Shadows

Forgive me, this may sound like a throw up of words, but these are the words that need to be thrown up in order for them to no longer choke me.

Hi, my name is Tamirra. Some of you know my many layers, while others only know my surface. My healing ends with me coming out of the shadows. Social anxiety is something that has held me hostage. The little girl in me screaming to not be seen, but I am here to tell her and everyone else that I deserve nothing more but to be seen.

I have been my worse enemy my entire life, putting blame on others when it was only my pain speaking. I have treated myself with no love or understanding. I have given myself physically, mentally and emotionally in ways that should have never happened. I have forgiven myself throught it all.

I realized in learning to forgive myself I am able to change my perspective and forgive others. Everyone is fighting their own demons I was just lucky enough to fight mine and win.

I have unearthed my gifts and my gifts are my words. The authenticity behind them and being able to understand my truth to help others find theirs.

I say all of that to say this, everyone deserves to be heard even if it’s in opposition to what you believe and we really aren’t as different as we think we are we’re just afraid to face ourselves. These are some of my truths because I refuse to live in the shadows and I refuse to continue to think that I am not enough because in reality I have already healed myself.

I want to leave you with a Hindu myth

Humans were created with Devine powers, but took advantage of the powers. (Of course) so the chief God took them away.

The chief God asked his counsel where he should hide them.

One suggested the core of the earth, he said, no they’ll only dig the earth to find it.

Another suggested the deepest part of the sea, he said, no they’ll only dive to find it.

The last suggestion was the highest mountain tops, he said, no they’ll only climb until they reach it.

The chief God decided to hide it inside of the people because he knew they would never look there.

We are searching outside of ourselves in order to find that thing that makes us whole. In reality, the deeper you dive inside of yourself is where you’ll find your power.

Kind Of Woman

Only a few people know this, but when Peyton was in the hospital the first time she didn’t want me near her. She would always call for her father. The reason was my energy was too cold. She wasn’t receiving the love and affection that she desperately needed.

I am the everything is okay kind of woman, the we don’t have time for this kind of woman, the one that keeps our feelings under control and doesn’t allow anything to stop us kind of woman.

I am also the never got coddled kind of woman, the one who can’t go to her mother and tell her she doesn’t feel good and get sympathy kind of woman. The one who was told to go lay down and go to sleep kind of woman. The one who had a stomach virus and got in trouble for vomiting on the floor kind of woman.

I am the one who has to be strong kind of woman, the one who could show no weakness kind of woman because my strength is holding everyone else together kind of woman.

I am the woman that has to cry in the shower in order to get some type of reprieve.

I am the woman like so many before me who had no time to be sick because it was a sign of weakness, no time to be sick because our parents had to continue to make our world go round.

I am the woman who used to be jealous that others could go to their mom and lay in their lap and tell them what’s wrong.

I turned out to be the woman that’s grateful for the strength that my mother instilled in me. The strength that could survive without human contact when it seems like I need it the most.

I am the woman like so many before me that was raised to be independent, but in that independence never learned how to be properly loved. You see my tough exterior not realizing there is someone who is soft and sensitive inside screaming to be loved.

You see my pain as anger. You see my passion as having an attitude. Stifled by my own thoughts because I’m not allowed to have my own feelings without being offensive.

I am only one woman, but this one woman comes from a collective whole that feels the same way.

My Prayers For Us

I pray over the weak; weak in mind and weak in spirit. I pray that you could find the strength to find your way home. I pray that you could find your way back to you. I pray that you’re not left in shambles. I pray that you have not yet crumbled. I pray for your strength and your wholeness. I pray for your safety and your will to keep going.

I pray over the strong; I understand it’s hard to keep going, but you must. I pray that in your strength that find your peace and your calm. I pray that with your strength you allow yourself to keep going. I pray that with your strength you allow yourself to feel just a bit weak in order to find your wholeness.

I pray over all of us; I pray that we see brighter days. I pray that we begin to see ourselves and each other. I pray that we can start feeling compassion for each other, start to become one. Unified in our oneness, for once we can all say we have something in common no one different from the rest.

I pray that we could see the better days to come. I pray for your strength and understanding. I pray for your heart and mind to be open. I pray that this meets you in good health. I pray for our protection and our guidance.

Amen

This prayer has no face, it has no name. Call upon your own beliefs, but at the end of the of it all we’re in this together and we need each other.

Truth Comes To Light

First and foremost I want to express my deepest gratitude for what is happening and for what is to come.

I was taught that I wasn’t enough, and from that idea I always tried to fit into a square that I didn’t belong in. I was told I spoke like white people and I listened to “white” music. I guess that made me not enough in my own blackness around my own people. I was always different. I never followed the crowd, but was to afraid to fully go out on my own. I would hide and suppress who I truly was. I never fit in but in reality I wasn’t supposed to. Everyone around me muted my thoughts and ideas until it crushed my own creativity. I stopped doing everything I loved because I felt like whatever my mind created wasn’t good enough. That’s why i spent so much time afraid of speaking my own truth or sharing my work.

I never felt good in my own skin because I didn’t have the “build” of a black girl I was always small, and guess you could say “lacking” in some areas.

Without effort I always got by so I started to believe just getting by was all that matters. I stopped trying to excel a long time ago. As I grew I watched my family struggle with money, but as long as they had the bare necessities that’s all that mattered. I started to believe that’s all that mattered. I always say it doesn’t matter what happens I’ll figure it out, I’ve come from a line of women figuring it out. These things, these ideas, the thoughts buried so deep inside of me that I thought this is what life was.

I can’t be myself because who i was isn’t good enough. I can’t be free in my own thinking because it makes me look crazy. My ideas became like everyone else until it started to suffocate me. I followed in footsteps that I never belonged in. I stayed in darkness for too long not realizing I was the light. I can no longer silence myself to make others happy or comfortable. I can no longer fit into a square that I never belonged in. The reality of the situation no one fits into the square.

I don’t want anyone to think this is a blame game because its not. This is just a truth that I chose to choose for too long.

Today, I choose to be my most authentic self. Today, I choose not to care what others think about me because in reality what you think about is not my business. In reality what you think about me is only a projection of how you feel anyway. Today, I choose to be as unique as i was made without the fear of judgment. I’ve seen and heard things that your mind couldn’t understand. I’ve met my higher self and until you meet and greet yours nothing that I say to you will make sense anyway. Today, I choose to be light. Today, I choose to be happiness. Today, I choose to be love. Today, I choose to be who I was created to be. Today, I choose to be abundance. I choose to shine my light on others for the world to see.