Truth Comes To Light

First and foremost I want to express my deepest gratitude for what is happening and for what is to come.

I was taught that I wasn’t enough, and from that idea I always tried to fit into a square that I didn’t belong in. I was told I spoke like white people and I listened to “white” music. I guess that made me not enough in my own blackness around my own people. I was always different. I never followed the crowd, but was to afraid to fully go out on my own. I would hide and suppress who I truly was. I never fit in but in reality I wasn’t supposed to. Everyone around me muted my thoughts and ideas until it crushed my own creativity. I stopped doing everything I loved because I felt like whatever my mind created wasn’t good enough. That’s why i spent so much time afraid of speaking my own truth or sharing my work.

I never felt good in my own skin because I didn’t have the “build” of a black girl I was always small, and guess you could say “lacking” in some areas.

Without effort I always got by so I started to believe just getting by was all that matters. I stopped trying to excel a long time ago. As I grew I watched my family struggle with money, but as long as they had the bare necessities that’s all that mattered. I started to believe that’s all that mattered. I always say it doesn’t matter what happens I’ll figure it out, I’ve come from a line of women figuring it out. These things, these ideas, the thoughts buried so deep inside of me that I thought this is what life was.

I can’t be myself because who i was isn’t good enough. I can’t be free in my own thinking because it makes me look crazy. My ideas became like everyone else until it started to suffocate me. I followed in footsteps that I never belonged in. I stayed in darkness for too long not realizing I was the light. I can no longer silence myself to make others happy or comfortable. I can no longer fit into a square that I never belonged in. The reality of the situation no one fits into the square.

I don’t want anyone to think this is a blame game because its not. This is just a truth that I chose to choose for too long.

Today, I choose to be my most authentic self. Today, I choose not to care what others think about me because in reality what you think about is not my business. In reality what you think about me is only a projection of how you feel anyway. Today, I choose to be as unique as i was made without the fear of judgment. I’ve seen and heard things that your mind couldn’t understand. I’ve met my higher self and until you meet and greet yours nothing that I say to you will make sense anyway. Today, I choose to be light. Today, I choose to be happiness. Today, I choose to be love. Today, I choose to be who I was created to be. Today, I choose to be abundance. I choose to shine my light on others for the world to see.