My Wrong Doing

I’ve spent my morning in my head yelling at myself.

It was like a big tap on my shoulder telling me to explain myself and make it make sense.

I knew from an early age that selling things weren’t for me. If you want it, you will buy it, period.

I hate when people try to sell me things I know what I want. If I liked it, you wouldn’t have to open your mouth to sell it to me.

I put a price tag on my business when I knew damn well that I wasn’t supposed to go that route.

But you know what ppl say the power of exchange and the energy and money and all of this stuff.

How could I charge you something that is naturally yours? Helping you find your happiness is not a job. It’s a gift.

I’ve said multiple times that I would give my life for people to feel a fraction of what I felt. So, how could I put a price tag when I already offered my life.

I met this woman, and we became friends, and she said I wish I had the money to pay you because I know you’re coaching me. I said, no, this is just who I am naturally. How could I charge you for being a friend to you?

How can I show you my vulnerability and expect you to do the same and then turn around and say that comes with a price?

I was given the gift of hearing beyond your words. I could feel everything that you’re not saying.

I have the gift of controlling energy and shifting it where it needs to go or understanding that it’s not time to move it.

How in the hell did I allow myself to try to look good on paper when I don’t belong there?

My life will NEVER look good on paper, and frankly, I dont want it to.

My stillness looks like doing nothing to others, but it’s in my silence I can become what you need me to be. It’s my stillness that allows you to feel safe to come as you are because you know there is no judgment.

When I am active is when I think I know what you need, and I am just throwing rocks into the abyss until it hits.

I yelled at myself because I knew with everything in my heart and soul what I had to offer was priceless.

And yet I put a price anyway.

And today, I ask for forgiveness.

But thankful that I have the opportunity to right my wrongs.

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