I was asked if I planned to have more children recently and said I couldn’t. Physically, maybe. But the visceral reaction I get from the mere thought of it tells me otherwise. They say it might not be the same the next time around. However, what I have witnessed is not something I can do again. I touch the door in my mind, and I instantly start to cry. I remind myself that I have more purpose in saving the children than having my own.
But my one and only.
She is the manifestation of my spirit.
She is everything that is right with me, but we work on correcting ourselves when something is wrong.
I get glimpses of my attitude, which runs through her veins, and my heart grows more.
We walk hand in hand through life, sharing its ups and downs, laughs, and cries.
She used to be my reason for getting out of bed, but I realized that was a heavy burden for her to carry.
So, I found my reason in myself. I’ve learned to fill my cup and overflow in hers.
I taught her how to fill her cup and when she couldn’t reach out for help.
Whew, my girl is everything I wanted to be as a child, but it took me until adulthood to reach my goals.
I raise her on purpose with a purpose.
When I think of the gift of life, I think of her.
Category: life coach
Your Grave
I have this game I like to play it’s called watching you dig your own grave. Here’s the kicker I’m upfront and honest. I’ll tell you what I want, what I don’t need, and my hard lines in the sand. I’ve learned people think they know better than me or they think they can convince me of something or whatever the case may be. So, I let them continue to dig their own grave. The deeper it gets, the quieter I become, and I just observe until the nail comes, you know the last nail in the coffin. The minute I say welp that was fun, game over, they always seem to be confused. Which confuses me because had you taken heed to what I said, you may not have killed yourself off in my story.
Coming Alive
There’s a fire in the pit of my stomach like an internal flame that never went out. I just suppressed it from growing. I want that spirit to come alive in me and stay alive. I want the fire to burn away everything that I am not and show me all that I am.
I want to remember who I am. I was not made for ordinary; I wasn’t made to despise everything that made me great. My fear of greatness has suppressed that flame. God is telling me to come alive, and I say, but God, how? I no longer want glimpses of what could be or what could’ve been. I just want to be.
I want to just be.
I want to stop fighting against God and what he wants over my life. When this is all said and done, I want to go in front of God, and He tell me, you did well.
I told God I would give my life for people to feel a fraction of my joy. Lord, I have already committed my life to you. How can I be afraid of the death that will come? You said to follow you, I would have to die. Lord, kill everything in me that stops me from doing your will. Lord, I ask that you touch my heart, mind, body, and soul. Lord, allow my spirit to take charge. I can no longer live in the fantasy of what I see over my life. Lord, I need to go and share what you have given me.
Lord, I want to die, and I want people to have peace and say she did great.
I am not made for ordinary, Lord. You didn’t build me that way. I have hidden my talents from myself because I was shunned and excused of thinking I was better when I was just existing, Lord. My existence didn’t feel enough, or it felt too much, Lord. I didn’t want to be too much, so I decided to dumb myself down to make others comfortable. Lord, I don’t care who’s uncomfortable. I don’t care about my comfort. I am uncomfortable, Lord. I am uncomfortable with the fact that I am not living according to your will. I can’t leave this place, not being a light in the world.
I am not here for the ordinary. I am not here to just get by. I am too gifted and too passionate to allow it to die inside of me. It can’t die with me, but what can die is what keeps me from living the life God wants me to live. I was promised a life of greatness, and although there would be trying times, I knew to look at the bright side with gratitude. Lord, cleanse my heart and mind, whatever sadness that sits on me and stops me, remove it, Lord, it has no place here. It can no longer stop me from my dreams of being one with you. I ask that you merge my spirit with yours, Lord. I ask that you make me yours and use me until my dying day. Lord, I have died 1000 times to be in your arms. What is one more, two more, three more times? Lord, take this spirit of fear and unworthiness from my heart, Lord. Whatever lulls me to sleep, Lord, take it off of me. Father God, I ask that you remove the spirit of procrastination; Lord, we both know it’s the fear of greatness that keeps me down. Father God, make me great in your eyes; only the ones who know you will know me; those who want to know you will know me. Those who despise you will despise me, but Lord, that means I am in good company, Lord; allow me to be in good company, covered by your peace and protection. I ask you to allow me to trust myself as I trust others. I know I’ve gotten it wrong in the past, but that hasn’t jaded my heart against people, only toward myself. I ask that you show me how to forgive myself and others, mainly myself because I know better. I know mistakes don’t happen, and they are only learning experiences.
Lord, I have learned my lessons for this next step in life, and while I know there is more to learn, I am done with the hurt and shame that came with life. Father God, help me forgive myself and release me from this anger that keeps me at bay. I want to walk on water and fly in the sky. I want to be one with your earth. I want to know all there is to know so I can be a vehicle for your spirit, Lord. I am a portal of love, but Father God, allow me to love myself as you have loved me my entire life. Even when I didn’t know you, you knew me. Father God, allow me to stay in love with myself and see my worth, and allow me to look at myself the way you look at me with pure admiration. Lord, I feel you in my spirit, and with you, I can do no wrong, and if I ever veer left, you bring me right. Father God, make me over and shine your light on my soul. Allow the fire in the pit of my stomach to ignite. Allow me to follow your will with no fear because, with you, I am protected.
Lifeline
My lifeline is my pen and paper. It’s what keeps me sane and keeps me whole. The life force saves me from outside dangers and protects me from myself. My pen and paper are my lifelines to myself and God. Once I put my pen and paper down, I have only a few months of life in me before things go dark.
It’s been dark for weeks, and the tears won’t stop coming. I asked for peace, but it never came. I beg, and I am reminded that I have the power to save myself. I ignore the calls of my soul when it says, but pick up the pen and paper. I say tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. My mind becomes tired of running around in circles; my mind says we have to do what we need to to survive. So, I sit and procrastinate and become afraid of the challenges, my mind says, but we’ve always quit in the past. What makes today so different? It becomes a battle between the old and the new. I crumbled, and only a few knew. I mourn the past and all that once was and will never be again.
I listen to my spirit, and I pick up my pen and paper, but before I allow them to meet, I read things that I’ve written before, and once again, the words are what I need.
The last part of my written prayer on April 10, 2023, says, God, I thank you for hearing me and making me restless. Lord, I thank you for the feeling of restlessness so that I can search for your peace and promises.
I searched for my peace and found my pen and paper. I searched for the promises of God and found them within the works I’ve already created.
Poetry
When you think in words, and your thoughts become poetry, you understand that you’re in the universe’s flow and one with God—hearing the answers melodically. Like a song so pure and full of love. How can you not share the music of your heart and the words you hear? Some will get caught up in their beliefs, but that’s not for you to defend. Your thoughts are becoming poetry, art full of life. Your hands become the source of power that transmutes all that is not made of love. The energy you exude, the words you speak, the magic you create, the shift that you cause in the room as you walk in. My thoughts are becoming poetry. My movement is becoming fluid in the universe’s flow and one with God.
Moon Child
I am a moon child, a child of the moon. I weave in and out of the darkest skies. I expose the secrets you wish to bury, which come with different cycles. I am the cycle that keeps you whole. I shift and change until it’s time to be made brand new. I hide behind the light when it’s time to reset. I am a moon child, a child of the moon. When I am at my fullest and shining the brightest, my light exposes your demons and drives you crazy. You blame me for your misfortune, but you haven’t found the rhythm of your cycles. Weaving in and out, dismissing what’s right in front of your face. Afraid to change because then who would you be?
I could say…
I could say you’re tapped into my system because you used to be my greatest muse. I wrote you the best stuff imaginable, so sweet and so sensual. I could say you’re tapped into my system, but that would give you too much power when it was my gift before and after you. I could say you’re tapped, or i’m tapped, or I could say I miss you, or I could say I miss me. Either one wouldn’t be a lie. I could say you’re tapped into my system, but I think that would be a lie. I’m lying. It could be true, but I still won’t give you the power to be my muse because this is my gift, with or without you.
Kissed by the gods
My body is a piece of artwork kissed by the gods. Each scar tells a story of pain but a story of healing. Tattoo placements are impeccable and flow with the story my soul wants to tell. Each piece fits like a puzzle. My small frame has brought me shame in the past, and now I look in the mirror and Thank God. I look with admiration, and I can’t believe that it belongs to me. My eyes are my favorite, so bright and expressive. I show others who I am; while some shy away, others feel the warmth of my light and choose to stay. My spirit can’t be tamed, so I allow others to feel safe enough to walk their path until it’s time to move on. I’m never far, but I can’t stop and wait.
My favorite thing about myself is I will walk through hell with you, but I won’t sit there with you. If it’s a pity party you’re inviting me to, I have one of those in me; the next one, I must respectfully decline.
My hands hold unmatched magic. The power that flows through them, the connection I can make, and the ease you feel with one touch. Nothing that I do is without intention.
I am the conductor of the Orchestra. My body is a piece of artwork kissed by the gods.
The Questions Of The Day
Why do you feel like you don’t have your answers?
Why have you lied to yourself about feeling safe in your body?
How have you forgotten the protection you’ve had your entire life?
Why must we swing low when we feel a natural high?
The questions of the day.
I act like I don’t know when I already do.
Mind VS Spirit. Human VS God.
How many times does God have to show up until you believe?
How many times will you have to show up for yourself until you have the confidence to stay on the high?
Why do we have to go low for you to get excited about the answers you already know?
When will we break out of the cycle of thinking we must feel sadness before we can feel happiness? You know what joy and excitement feel like without the pendulum swing.
God promised you peace, and you’ve obtained it once before. How do you lose it over a thought or feeling that is fleeting?
I look for people to make my decisions and to soothe my chaos, but chaos is where I thrive. The peace of God is foreign, so I make up scenarios to fit my old idea of what life should be or has been, or could be. Those are feelings of the past that stop me from being present. My life could be anything, and right now, it’s everything I need it to be. I’ve witnessed the spirit move through me and through those I love. Why have doubt when I see miracles every day?
God reminds me to be still. Not stew in the thoughts that drive me crazy. But be still and allow His peace to wash over me. I’m reminded that I know how to get out of my head and listen to my spirit. I’m reminded that I’ve always been safe. I’m reminded that I can ask all the questions in the world, and each answer will come.
She Is…
She is…
She is the essence that flows through your blood.
She is the flow that awakens the parts you thought were dead.
She is the wind whisper telling you which way to go.
She is the guide that leads you back home.
She is the peace that everyone desires but not everyone acquires.
She is what love is all about.
She is the beauty that lives in all things.
She is the one that will make you give all parts of yourself to have a taste of her.
She is the one that will bring joy and happiness.
She is the one that you’ll love forever because of everything she has to offer.
She is the one that holds all of your secrets close.
She is the one with whom you could be the most authentic version of yourself.
She is…
The essence of love
Soul's Purpose 