Author: Tamirra Holland

Without realizing I asked for more. To meet the real me. The me that could withstand it all. And I met her. I would like for you to meet her too.

The will to find peace

I have to admit the things that would usually bother me no longer have a space in me. I have to say while I still suffer from anxiety I’m no longer frustrated by it. Learning to ground myself with little things like breathing, twisting my ring focusing on anything that I can touch even if that means laying flat on the floor. Once I’m able to breath I can now focus on the real problem at hand instead of the little details that plagued my mind. In every problem there’s a lesson you just have to be willing to solve it.

I’m learning that things are happening around me and even if it does for a moment affect me I can’t let it bring me down. I can’t save the world but I could save myself and in doing that hoping that people see my strength and use it for themselves.

I have to go with the flow of the current and not fight against it I’ve been there and drowned. Finding my own sense of peace in whatever that looks like to me has been the most rewarding.

What does your peace look like to you? Just close your eyes and picture it, feel it radiating through your body. When you feel it go search it out.

Whether that means leaving relationships, friendships, even jobs/careers.

The one thing money cant buy is a peace of mind and it is by far the one thing you cant live without.

How do you choose to find your peace?

Writing

I’m pouring out my heart because that’s the only thing I know how to do.

I’m pouring out my heart so that I dont stay unsafe. Unsafe in my own thoughts I dont know what I would do.

I’m pouring out my heart because it feels like the right thing to do.

Emptying my heart of negativity to make room for new.

Pulling myself from darkness with no helping hand just pouring my heart out because it seems like the thing to do.

As I write I smile because I understand. I understand that this is the best part of me and the right thing to do.

I live

I live for the stars, the moon and the sun. Everything that I do is to get closer… to fly beyond the sky. I look to the sky for my most brilliant ideas. I look to the clouds just to feel like I’m floating away. The stars show me which direction to go in. I live for this intricate system that dwells inside of me. The warmth I feel from the sun rejuvenates every part of my being. I live for the stars, the moon and the sun. They don’t know that I exist just a speck in this vast universe but yet I live for them. I live because of them, I live because they show me new life. A painting in the sky each day brings forth a new picture. The renewal of the moon is just like the renewal of my spirit each phase brings forth more light. I live for them and they don’t even know I exist.

The real question

What do you do when you feel helpless and alone? How do you cope and heal from pain that you can’t pin point?

What happens to the body when its consumed by darkness? What happens to the dreams that die in the dark?

What happens when you become not enough? What happens when the people around you can’t help you?

Is ignorance as really blissful as it may seem? Is it better to not see yourself and others around you?

Why should you right because then you don’t have to make moves. Moves to helping yourself and others around you.

You don’t have to find the will to be strong and keep going.

Fighting everything in your body to not be better. Better than yesterday and the day before that. So comfortable in your darkness because your demons love you the most.

But the real question is are you really alive?

The beginning of my journey

I would have to say my journey started years ago I asked myself who are truly and that little voice answered you’re an egotistical bitch.

I thought to myself well damn I thought I was better than that but looking at myself I had to be honest, and realized that I didn’t do anything that didn’t benefit me. There was always an underlying reason for every move I made.

In that moment I started to read the bible daily but after awhile that became not enough. I felt comforted but something else was missing.

No matter what truth I was seeking out I ended up falling into a depression becoming detached from myself and everything around me. I was just going through the motions of life not feeling anything.

Until everything started to go wrong my father passed away a few days after his funeral found out my daughter had a benign brain tumor and would need surgery and chemotherapy. Along with a tremendous amount of loss that year. The following year my cousin, my soul mate my everything passed away and that’s what truly jumped started my journey.

This journey to get back to my true self the one that’s truly connected to God/The universe/The Source whichever feels comfortable to you.

In this journey I started to see who I truly was and where the residual and repressed pain was coming from in order to heal myself.

So I ask you who are you?