Lifeline

My lifeline is my pen and paper. It’s what keeps me sane and keeps me whole. The life force saves me from outside dangers and protects me from myself. My pen and paper are my lifelines to myself and God. Once I put my pen and paper down, I have only a few months of life in me before things go dark.

It’s been dark for weeks, and the tears won’t stop coming. I asked for peace, but it never came. I beg, and I am reminded that I have the power to save myself. I ignore the calls of my soul when it says, but pick up the pen and paper. I say tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. My mind becomes tired of running around in circles; my mind says we have to do what we need to to survive. So, I sit and procrastinate and become afraid of the challenges, my mind says, but we’ve always quit in the past. What makes today so different? It becomes a battle between the old and the new. I crumbled, and only a few knew. I mourn the past and all that once was and will never be again.

I listen to my spirit, and I pick up my pen and paper, but before I allow them to meet, I read things that I’ve written before, and once again, the words are what I need.

The last part of my written prayer on April 10, 2023, says, God, I thank you for hearing me and making me restless. Lord, I thank you for the feeling of restlessness so that I can search for your peace and promises.

I searched for my peace and found my pen and paper. I searched for the promises of God and found them within the works I’ve already created.