Promises

I was taught through the actions of others that promises were meant to be broken. So why would I believe the promises of God? Why would I trust the words of something that I can’t see when the tangible person in front of me has lied too many times? Relax and listen. This isn’t a moment of judgment or preaching. This is where my honesty meets my truth. Promises are meant to be broken, is what I say when someone promises me anything. I hear empty words through the wind of your breath. When you promise, I look harder at your actions that never seem to align. My daughter tells me she loves me because I never say I promise; I always tell her I see what I can do. She knows the disappointment of not keeping my word will never fall on her heart because her mama never said I promise. What she does know is that her mama made it happen in her own time, and there was no clock on what I could do.

I have a hard time trusting God’s promises, but I know he’s always on time. The thoughts stop in my mind and stop through my hand because God tells me that’s all I need to know. He says, “Fine, you can’t trust my promises, but you know I’m always on time.” Keep that in your heart until you can trust my word because you’ve seen me show up and show out. As long as you can breathe easy because you know it’s not your timing, but mine. As long as you’re reminded that everything has a time and season. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. So, no, I can’t always trust the promises of God, but I can trust that He’s always on time.

My Revelation

Could I be honest for a moment?
I don’t always see what you see. My insecurities screamed out at me, but one would never know it. See, I masked it with humility, I convinced myself that I couldn’t be humble without a bit of insecurities. Recently, I realized insecurity is doubt in one’s ability. I am humble because of my spirit and how God lives inside of me. I recognize that I am not doing this life alone, and I am being guided every step of the way. My insecurities have stopped me from fully living in my passions and my truth. When i get a glimpse of the happiness, I shut it down and mute it. When I get a glimpse of what my spirit is calling me to do, I water down the fire that lives inside of me.
The truth is…
God excites me. Living in God’s word excites me, embodying Christ and understanding what it means to follow him excites me. It is my passion to teach about God. It is my passion to jump into the deep end of others and help pull them to safety and to bring them to a life they thought was impossible.
This is my deep end…
The place where I feel safe enough to release my insecurities and to live in a place that is not ashamed of what God has placed in me.

The Deep End

God calls me into the deep end, but I don’t know how to float or swim. He tells me you didn’t know how to walk on water, but you kept your eyes on me through the storms. I say it’s different because I couldn’t drown in the rain. He says no, but you could’ve gotten stuck in your storm and drowned like others before.
God is holding me up in the water and tells me we’ll go up for air, but I’ll have to learn to hold my breath in the water I don’t know how to float or swim in. He asked me where my faith was, that I held on the surface. I beg him not to make it as if I am faithless. I am just afraid to drown in the water. I can’t float or swim in. He reminds me that I had to learn to walk on water. He reminds me that I wasn’t always the person you see today. I can no longer play in the water I am used to. Why play in a space that I am comfortable in? God calls me into the deep end where I don’t know how to float or swim in, but he tells me to keep my eyes and hands on him.

Coming Alive

There’s a fire in the pit of my stomach like an internal flame that never went out. I just suppressed it from growing. I want that spirit to come alive in me and stay alive. I want the fire to burn away everything that I am not and show me all that I am.
I want to remember who I am. I was not made for ordinary; I wasn’t made to despise everything that made me great. My fear of greatness has suppressed that flame. God is telling me to come alive, and I say, but God, how? I no longer want glimpses of what could be or what could’ve been. I just want to be.
I want to just be.
I want to stop fighting against God and what he wants over my life. When this is all said and done, I want to go in front of God, and He tell me, you did well.
I told God I would give my life for people to feel a fraction of my joy. Lord, I have already committed my life to you. How can I be afraid of the death that will come? You said to follow you, I would have to die. Lord, kill everything in me that stops me from doing your will. Lord, I ask that you touch my heart, mind, body, and soul. Lord, allow my spirit to take charge. I can no longer live in the fantasy of what I see over my life. Lord, I need to go and share what you have given me.
Lord, I want to die, and I want people to have peace and say she did great.
I am not made for ordinary, Lord. You didn’t build me that way. I have hidden my talents from myself because I was shunned and excused of thinking I was better when I was just existing, Lord. My existence didn’t feel enough, or it felt too much, Lord. I didn’t want to be too much, so I decided to dumb myself down to make others comfortable. Lord, I don’t care who’s uncomfortable. I don’t care about my comfort. I am uncomfortable, Lord. I am uncomfortable with the fact that I am not living according to your will. I can’t leave this place, not being a light in the world.
I am not here for the ordinary. I am not here to just get by. I am too gifted and too passionate to allow it to die inside of me. It can’t die with me, but what can die is what keeps me from living the life God wants me to live. I was promised a life of greatness, and although there would be trying times, I knew to look at the bright side with gratitude. Lord, cleanse my heart and mind, whatever sadness that sits on me and stops me, remove it, Lord, it has no place here. It can no longer stop me from my dreams of being one with you. I ask that you merge my spirit with yours, Lord. I ask that you make me yours and use me until my dying day. Lord, I have died 1000 times to be in your arms. What is one more, two more, three more times? Lord, take this spirit of fear and unworthiness from my heart, Lord. Whatever lulls me to sleep, Lord, take it off of me. Father God, I ask that you remove the spirit of procrastination; Lord, we both know it’s the fear of greatness that keeps me down. Father God, make me great in your eyes; only the ones who know you will know me; those who want to know you will know me. Those who despise you will despise me, but Lord, that means I am in good company, Lord; allow me to be in good company, covered by your peace and protection. I ask you to allow me to trust myself as I trust others. I know I’ve gotten it wrong in the past, but that hasn’t jaded my heart against people, only toward myself. I ask that you show me how to forgive myself and others, mainly myself because I know better. I know mistakes don’t happen, and they are only learning experiences.
Lord, I have learned my lessons for this next step in life, and while I know there is more to learn, I am done with the hurt and shame that came with life. Father God, help me forgive myself and release me from this anger that keeps me at bay. I want to walk on water and fly in the sky. I want to be one with your earth. I want to know all there is to know so I can be a vehicle for your spirit, Lord. I am a portal of love, but Father God, allow me to love myself as you have loved me my entire life. Even when I didn’t know you, you knew me. Father God, allow me to stay in love with myself and see my worth, and allow me to look at myself the way you look at me with pure admiration. Lord, I feel you in my spirit, and with you, I can do no wrong, and if I ever veer left, you bring me right. Father God, make me over and shine your light on my soul. Allow the fire in the pit of my stomach to ignite. Allow me to follow your will with no fear because, with you, I am protected.

Poetry

When you think in words, and your thoughts become poetry, you understand that you’re in the universe’s flow and one with God—hearing the answers melodically. Like a song so pure and full of love. How can you not share the music of your heart and the words you hear? Some will get caught up in their beliefs, but that’s not for you to defend. Your thoughts are becoming poetry, art full of life. Your hands become the source of power that transmutes all that is not made of love. The energy you exude, the words you speak, the magic you create, the shift that you cause in the room as you walk in. My thoughts are becoming poetry. My movement is becoming fluid in the universe’s flow and one with God.

My Heart and Soul

Sometimes I forget you guys don’t live in my mind, and sometimes I jump ahead of myself.

Since the beginning of my self-love journey, I have been the most honest I have ever been in my entire life. I share details that could be off-putting to some and inspiring to others. We all come here to write and share with whoever will listen.

I am at the phase in my life where I want to be a living testimony of what being your authentic self looks like. I want to show up with no mask so others can always see something in me that they either see in themselves or wish to see. When that happens is when change begins to take shape.

I strive to ignite that flame that sets your heart free from bondage. I don’t know your story, but I know mine, and I’m not afraid to share it even when others look at me like I’m crazy.

I put my heart and soul into my ebook Favor over Fear: a guide to self-love because I believe in what I do and how I do it. I believe in you and your ability to find your true self.

People think that I am not afraid, but the truth is I am terrified, but things need to get done, and I choose to get them done.

There is an energy that needs to be released, but we’re all sitting on it because we’re afraid of what-ifs.

How about this, what if everything we want comes to fruition? What if we crack the code to life? What if we all could connect in such a way to know that we’re never alone, even in our darkest moments.

We all share a piece of ourselves anytime we share a post.

My words are my heart and soul. My life is yours to witness. Hopefully, the witness to my healing provides you with the safety of knowing it’s ok to heal every part of you, even when it might seem like it opposes someone else.

I share my heart and soul with you on every platform I have associated with my name.

https://hustling-maker-5858.ck.page/191fc69eb1

https://coachingjustintime.com/

https://www.facebook.com/tamirra.holland

https://www.instagram.com/the_essence8087/

Favor over Fear. chapter 2

Before I ask you if you could relate, I want to explain what I meant.

I did everything that I was supposed to do except take care of myself. I went to work and came home and took care of my family. I gave so much of myself even when I knew I was being depleted. Why wouldn’t I? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? We’re supposed to be the backbone for someone else; we’re supposed to sacrifice for other people. Who cares how you feel as long as the person on the receiving end is happy.

When does your happiness begin to matter? When do you begin to count?

My essence is my inner happiness and peace, and when I tell you, I wished for death because it had to be better than my experience. I cried out so many times just for it to be over.

I never got my wish, but I got something better I found the ability to find my happiness even if that meant letting go of things and people that I thought would last forever.

I’ll ask again how many of you could relate? How many of you want more? How many of you need more but don’t know how to get there?

Allow me to show you my journey and how I found my happiness and learned how to conquer my fears.

You can find it here in my free ebook.

Favor over Fear: a guide to self-love

https://hustling-maker-5858.ck.page/191fc69eb1