You were the rock I broke myself against trying to permeate your life and love. Trying to force it to be something that it wasn’t. That’s a bit rough there was love we just didn’t know how to produce better. I needed you tell me how and it never came.
In the process of trying to learn how to be a complete version of myself I met you.
All was lost I allowed you to sweep me away and take responsibility. I allowed the dictation of what my life looked like because hell what do I know, maybe you knew something I didn’t. Broken pieces trying to pull together in every turn until I stopped. I figured I’d rather stay broken than to do work that was impossible to do under the pressure.
Then there was the suffocation, the pressure that amounted to something worse. The pressure that made me save myself.
In my moments of solitude I found me, I picked up my pieces dusted them off and built something so much better. I built the person who is her true self, I built the person that stands in her own truth, I built the person that doesn’t need anyone but herself. In needing myself I built someone who didn’t want to be needed but only wanted.
So many times our need for people overshadow the need to save ourselves. Afraid to look at the pieces that are in desperate need of repair. Allowing yourself to think that everything is okay as long as someone is on the other side of the phone. What happens when everyone is gone? What life are you willing to live then? Do you drown out the voices with any and everything?
How do you save yourself?
Where did we go wrong to not know that we need ourselves above anything and anyone else? What do we do when as a collective whole we feel the same way, but aren’t having the conversation?
Why isn’t anyone speaking? Have you been so convinced that you’re the only one that’s going through something that no one could possibly understand? Who told you to keep secrets to yourself? Who told you not to break curses that bind you at every turn? Who told you that you couldn’t free yourself?
Breaking yourself against each wall, finding the lies in yourself to make you feel better, but have the nerve to demand the truth from somewhere else.
You owe it to yourself to be honest. You owe it to yourself to find the love inside that you didn’t think you deserved. You owe it to yourself to save YOU!