I have to say I miss my father I miss him for everything he was and wasn’t.
The bits and pieces I didnt know because I didn’t care to know. The pieces of him that made me who I am.
How could that be when i didn’t know him. How could he make me who I was when I didn’t truly know who he was. Is that why I’m blind to pieces of me because I can’t see him in me.
When I do feel him coursing through my veins it’s never the good part of me always the selfish part. The most unloving part. How can that be when he gave me the best of him when he could.
Maybe the effort wasn’t enough in my eyes, maybe he wasn’t enough, maybe I wasn’t enough to be loved like a daughter should be.
I miss the mother I feel like I never had or don’t remembering having because so much has happened.
So much love felt undone but how can someone love another when they don’t love themselves. She raised me to the best of her abilities but it feels like it was from obligation not because that’s what she wanted.
I feel like an orphan with nowhere to run who could I cry to when the one person that’s supposed to wipe away your tears looks at you like whatever.
So much pain in the depths of my soul created by two who couldn’t love themselves.
Why should I seek anything from anyone when two souls left me undone.
Unfinished business from the one that loved me unconditionally. But his business was done it had to be so that I could find the love within myself for myself. From two souls who left me undone.