Wrong, Big Fat, Wrong!

I came from a long line of women who settled for less, and if they didn’t settle, they were content with being alone.

The only thing about that is they were never happy. The lack of love made them believe they weren’t worthy of it.

Here I am, a 33-year-old woman having to figure out what love is and if I am worthy of having it. I have to figure out if I put myself in a box of beliefs that I dont even believe in.

Well, come to find out, I put myself in a box. I agreed to everything that didn’t sit well in my soul. I talked myself out of getting the love that I deserved. I said, ah, this is okay; I could handle this something is better than nothing.

WRONG, BIG FAT, WRONG!!! I’d rather have nothing than to sit in something that doesn’t sit well with my soul. My spirit is too big to be trapped in a box. At the end of my story, I win. Hell, it’s my story. How don’t I win?

I won’t hold space for what could be when I am more than deserving of what my heart desires right at this very moment.

2020, I followed every aspect of my heart.
2021, I build the life that I want and deserve.

Even when I had nothing in the eyes of some, all I asked for was love.

Sometimes you’re asking the wrong person, and you have to realize when you love yourself entirely, the love that you’re asking for from someone else doesn’t even matter.

Tonight, it doesn’t matter. Tonight I love myself enough to be truthful. The truth is I deserve to be loved the way my heart desires, and at this very moment, despite what it seems like I don’t have physically, I am more than enough.

Funny story, I always win.

Why should anyone be so lucky to benefit from me when I finally fit into their idea of what someone should be.

People say, oh man, if you had this, you would be perfect, if you did this, omg! You would be ideal.

Ummm, I’m perfect already because I broke down the barriers of my heart for the world to see. Stuff can always be replaced. The love that I have to offer can not. The love that I offer transforms.

Ah, yes! People are afraid of transformations. I get it. Fear. That’s okay, I understand,  but I also understand that I live to be different and a better version of myself every day.

And for that, I choose me.

2 thoughts on “Wrong, Big Fat, Wrong!

  1. In my case of love, it took two years after I decided to live for me to find the love I was looking for. I questioned my choices a thousand times because I forgot to trust that the entire Universe was moving mountains for me. That takes time.
    But once it came, and I looked around and saw the masses of people that were still unhappy and still afraid to act, just like I had been, and watched years and years more of them settling for unfulfillment while my love grew and grew, I understood something no one around me seemed to; that that the joy is worth every drop of fear and every year it took to get here 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The joy is worth every drop of fear!

      It is incredible what true love feels like; I won’t lie. It’s scary but so worth it.

      But loving myself more is something that I wouldn’t trade-in for the world.

      Like

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